Just me... wife, friend, daughter of the King

Christmas!!!!

2012-01-06T11:20:00.000-08:00

We had such relaxing holidays this year! It was very different for me to be on the other side of things..I was forced to relax and let others step up and do the cooking and cleaning:) I have to be honest and say that I kinda liked it!

Travis and I were able to soak up every moment of our last Christmas as "just the 2 of us", and spent the weekend with family and those that we love:)
Christmas Eve we spent with my family, as is our tradition. Trav was in charge of the games, and Alicia and Rachel were in charge of all the cooking!!

Travis and I were able to truly take in this Christmas and the reason we celebrate. We didn't focus on the gifts, the decorating or the baking this year. We really were able to take a step back and remain focused on the Lord and celebrating His birthday. On Christmas Eve Christian lead us in a worship song before we opened presents.

This Christmas I really didn't want to focus on it "might" be my moms last, but rather enjoy the fact that, once again, we were all together! I wanted the day to be as "normal" as possible! Mom had a great day that day, she was feeling good and was able to be involved with most of the activities! Thank you Lord for giving mom the strength that day:)

The family Christmas Picture!!! We take one every year, and I love it:)

Christmas Day we headed to Travs' parents for a small celebration and then off to more Covey relatives for the big dinner:) We were spoiled yet again, and able to relax, talk to everyone and sit back and enjoy the night!

We are just so blessed to have such amazing families that both love us so much and also love the Lord!!

What could have been a very sad holiday actually turned out to be one of the most memorable ones. Thank you to the Lord for sustaining our families through these times of transition and change. It's amazing that we can find such peace in the midst of heartache and chaos.

Top 5 Things the Pregnancy Books DON'T tell you...

2012-01-06T09:41:00.000-08:00

1. That you will drool...a lot! Luckily mostly when you are sleeping:)...I often wake up in a puddle of my own drool....weird!!

2. Your belly is now public property! Random people will touch you. Not only is your belly public property, your "story" is as well. People will ask you very intimate questions without boundaries..For example: I was asked if I used a sperm donor and which ethnicity my babies would be...

3. Granny Panties will be your friend:)...yet even those will, at some point, not cover your whole belly!

4. Your nipples will grow and almost take over you whole chest area...:)

5. Every time you feel your babies move, your heart skips a beat!!! This is the best time of your life. You will never feel as beautiful as you do during your pregnancy. Just knowing that the Lord is forming every inch of your babies and that you are so blessed to be a part His creation.
That when you wake up in the morning, you reach down and pray for your little ones...that you are now playing one of the most important roles you will ever have, that motherhood is a gift, that each and every stretch mark will remind you of this amazing time in your life, that no matter how weird you feel, or how you feel out of control at times.........
None of this matters when you hold your babies for the first time and they look into your eyes.
Nobody tells you that your life will forever be changed in such an incredible way!!!

Kyle David

2011-12-14T08:47:00.000-08:00

When I was 20 years old I was pregnant with my first child...
My son, Kyle David!
The pregnancy came as a shock to those around me, I was 20 years old and not married.
However I felt from the very beginning that God had a special purpose for Kyle.

This Holiday season I am taken back to that time in my life...It was Christmas time and I was pregnant. Overwhelmed with emotion and excitement for the new life growing inside of me, yet apprehensive of the responsibility to come. I knew the road I had chosen would be hard,
It was a very lonely time for me. My boyfriend and I had broken up and I was dealing with the guilt/condemnation of my mistakes. I felt like no one understood me or what I was going through.
Alone...
I had very little, if any, understanding of what Gods grace was.
I still knew that this baby, my son, would change my life forever...

Right after Christmas, I had a severe asthma attack. I was hospitalized with pneumonia and severe asthma all while 3 months pregnant.
One of my most tender memories from my 2 weeks in the hospital was that of my mom and I. She combed my hair and shaved my legs and arm pits.

You see, I felt like I had disappointed my mom, that she was ashamed of me and my growing belly, that I was un-lovable. So her tender act of love meant so much more to me than a nice shave, to me it was an tender expression of her heart for her daughter. That, no matter what, I was still her little girl that needed her mommy. No matter what, I was loved!!
My mom came to the hospital every day. Every day I accepted her love more and more and began to slowly feel less unworthy of her love and able to embrace her heart for me. Each day closer to understanding the love of a mother.

After coming home from the hospital my life took on a bit of a routine...the days were long and the nights were met with a song for my baby boy growing in my belly.
Each night before bed I would sing to him "Jesus Loves you". I wanted my son to understand the unconditional love of Jesus, unlike his mother..who at 20 was still trying to comprehend it.

Months later, I woke up in the middle of the night with extreme pain in my stomach.
Off to the emergency room we went. All I remember of that night was the pain was too much to bear...no songs of love, no tender memories, just pain.
I was experiencing "placenta abrubtion"...where the placenta separates from the uterus before the baby is born. My son, Kyle was still-born (born dead) at 25 weeks.

The days that followed were a mixture of peace and sorrow. As my head took in the loss, my heart felt a peace beyond understanding. The comfort I experienced at that time was unlike any I have felt before, I took comfort in the fact that my son was with the Lord, that my son never took a breath of the sinful air of the world, my son was at peace, my son had a very special purpose.

In the midst of trials we rarely see the "why"..it is after the fact that we can see the Lords hand at work in the very midst of each trial. How He held me when I grieved, how He showed me love through my parents, how He taught me about His grace and forgiveness, How He loves me unconditionally...
Once again, I always knew Kyle David had a special purpose.

I love you son! My sweet angel, Kyle David

Worth a thousand words...

2011-11-23T13:13:00.000-08:00

They say a picture is "worth a thousand words"...
Pictures capture the moments that pass in a blink of an eye...the moments we take for granted or miss all together.
I wanted to share some special moments with you from last weekend!!!
The pictures speak for themselves:)

I'm so thankful for precious moments with my family. The moments that were captured will never be forgotten.
My prayer for all of us this Thanksgiving is that we take time to enjoy the simple moments, to be "present", to capture the small blessings we are given each day!

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good..
His love endures forever!!

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!!!!

Heartache and joy

2011-11-10T08:38:00.000-08:00

Have you ever experienced PURE JOY and extreme SADNESS at the same moment?
Have you ever felt your heart ripping in half while experience the excitement of new life?

Let me stop writing in riddles and explain..
Most of you know that last year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She underwent Chemo and has been in remission for the past several months...or so we thought.
Moms cancer is back, this time it spread to her bones and she is in stage 4 bone cancer. The cancer is in her spine, her kidneys, her liver and several other parts of her body. The pain is unbearable for her at times. She is undergoing radiation and chemo right now...The prognosis isn't good.
Forgive me if my writing reads more like a child, I apologize...It is hard to put into words something that I truly can't comprehend. I NEVER imagined losing my mom at such an early age, I NEVER imagined that she wouldn't be there for my children, I NEVER thought about my life without my mommy...I just never imagined....

In the midst of all of this..there is hope:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Hope comes in many forms, right now that form is that of 2 precious unborn babies that are growing in my belly!
Hope of a faithful God, that He does listen to our prayers! He plans to prosper me, not to harm, He gives me a future and a hope.
I believe the best Hope of all is that He has a plan...it's all going to be ok, He is in control.
Please hear my heart here... I have questions, I have bitterness, I have a hard time comprehending a loving God taking my mom from me at this time in my life, I have anger...The biggest one being my "WHY?"..
Why now Lord?
Why my mom?
In my "human-ness" I want different answers, I want Him to heal my mom. In my spirit, I want His will for my mom and for myself as well...even if it tears my heart out in the process.
It has been a daily struggle for me to release what my flesh wants for what my spirit wants...
HOWEVER...
I choose to believe my God, I choose to lay all my life, my expectations, my futures, my hopes, my children at His feet...He calms my fears with a simple response..."I am in control, my timing is PERFECT...

My prayer is that the Lord would not waste my pain, not waste my struggle, not waste my heartache..that He would use me to reach others that are hurting and struggling with the "whys" of life...

Ultimately this isn't about me or my mom or my pregnancy...This is about choosing to believe, in whatever circumstance, that God is in full control and He has a plan...
I want to give God ALL the glory, only look to Him for comfort and answers!!
Only He has the perfect plan for me and for you:)

I am a MOM part two

2011-08-22T07:50:00.000-07:00

The only thing better than finding out you are pregnant....Is finding out that you are having TWINS!!!!!!
That's right, WE ARE HAVING TWINS!!!

2 weeks after we found out we were pregnant, I went in for my first ultrasound. We hadn't planned on Trav coming since we were just confirming the pregnancy. We didn't want him to take time off work just to confirm what we already knew.
BUT, when the day finally arrived...I was so scared! I wanted Trav there with me, I wanted him by my side...mainly out of fear, but I just wanted my best-friend to hold my hand.

As I get to my RE office, I change in to the gown and sit in the room and wait...
I waited for 25 minutes in that room. I was doing breathing exercises to stay calm and singing a song I didn't even know but it brought me such PEACE!! The only words I knew were "It is well, with my soul" I just repeated those words over and over.

The Dr. comes in and we start the ultrasound...there was silence...The nurse June was by my side, rubbing my arm, that's when I saw one of the babies for the first time. The DR. turned the screen so that I could see and showed me a black hole circle thing.

"Do you see it?" he asked
"umm, I just see a black hole" (me)
"yes! That's the baby" he said
Then he did something so AMAZING.....He moved to his right and I saw a glimpse of another black hole
"Wait, what is that?" (me)
"Shh...He is counting the babies" Nurse June
"WHAT?!?!," (me) with tears running down my cheeks and praising the Lord
"Ok, Carey,,,we see 2 babies! You are pregnant with TWINS!" Dr

At that point I just lost it, I was crying for joy and sad that my husband was absent from this incredible moment.
After my secret moments of bliss, the Dr said something that threw me back into reality:
"I can only get one heartbeat, the other is too faint. Let's not tell anyone about the twins yet, let's just wait and see"

Clearly this Dr doesn't know me very well...WAIT AND SEE???
Wait and see what? I see twins and I want to scream it to the world!!
BUT, I take a deep breath and go back to work...knowing secretly that my life is about to get turned upside down....and I can't wait!!!!!!!

To be Continued.............
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

I am ...

2011-08-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

A MOM!!!!!! (Part one)

I am 9 weeks pregnant and I am A MOM,
I can talk to my baby
I carry my baby with me all day
I can sing to my baby
I feed my baby
I hold my baby
I can put my baby to sleep
I can pray for my baby
I am 9 weeks pregnant and I am A MOM!!!

Waiting Room...

2011-07-06T18:24:00.000-07:00

Working in a Doctor’s office, I am familiar with the "waiting room"....
The purpose of a waiting room is to distract you from realizing that they are actually "behind or late" and they sometimes play a TV to grab your attention or there are the gossip magazines that can draw you in...Or the pamphlets that are from the 70's, or the person next to you that wants to chat...Yes there are many distractions in the waiting room...what you won't find in most waiting rooms is A CLOCK!!!
No record of how long you have been in that room, no record of the time you have wasted, no record of it at all.

The waiting room I currently reside in is one that I have been in for years...the waiting room of "infertility".In THIS room there are not many distractions...only reminders. Reminders that everyone has been called in to see the Dr., but not me, reminders of a life I so desire, but have to "wait: for. In this room there is a constant reminder of the "time"...month to month I am reminded of my un-meet desires.
My room holds no promise that I will ever actually venture inside.
The waiting room is my life...

There are others that are in this room with me, other hearts that ache to hold their own baby, other women that have experienced the blessing of a growing belly, then without warning...been sent back to the waiting room, there are many that sit beside me , many that have cried with me, and many more that have silently suffered.
As I look around the room, I pray. I pray for the broken hearts to be healed, for the tears to be wiped away, I pray for MY heart to begin to heal, for the pain that comes when we see another pregnant woman, for the frustration of the "unexplained" diagnosis, I pray for the horrible mood swings caused by hormone injections, I pray for all our husbands, I pray for the families of the infertile...For the families to understand that this is not our choice...this is not our fault...this is not the time to start buying baby clothes...
This is a time to join us in prayer! Join us in our sadness, join us in our brokenness, let us know that it is OK to feel this way, let us know that we are not disappointing you...Most of all, let us know that you love us just the way we are.

Infertility affects the WHOLE family. There is no cure, no easy answers...We just want our families to sit with us in the "waiting room."
Sit with us, just be with us and maybe just maybe the waiting won't be so bad...

If you know someone that is struggling in this waiting room, will you join me in prayer for them? Will you let them know you are there for them, even if you don't understand, just be there to offer a hug!
Don't leave them alone in that room...just sit with them...just sit:)
Galatians 6:2
2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

"Poke me"

2011-06-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

Today was a BIG day.
Today was the day we have been waiting for.
Today was the day that we didn't make it to on our last cycle.
Today was the Cycle 11 day ultrasound...

Today started out like any other Friday, me waking up with the dog right by my face, relaxing until I absolutely have to get up, took a shower, walked the dog and headed out to my appointment...
I failed to realize that I was not appropriately dressed for the "public"...I was in my "at home only" itty bitty, see thru tank top WITH my yoga pants and flip flops:)
ekkkkkkkkk...Before I walked out the door I did have the mind to grab a jacket in case I got cold.
As I am driving to the Dr's..I get cold, so I reach for my jacket and my "jacket" is actually a very dressy turtleneck sweater...At this point I look down and realize what I really have on!!!! I LOVE a good laugh, but on this very important day I was in no mood....
So I did what any other woman in my position would do: I drove DIRECTLY to Kohl's to go buy myself some appropriate clothing that would cover-up the WHOLE outfit...
(you should know that my Dr is in Irvine, and I was driving on the freeway by the time I figured out my outfit sucked)
I did have a good laugh at myself because what I actually purchased was an over sized men's T-shirt that had a picture of the Pillsbury Dough boy on it that said "POKE ME"
My only thinking was go cheap and to go big, something that would just cover...:)
Sometimes I think the Lord allows these things to happen to me, so I can take a moment to just breath and turn my eyes toward him and not me......ahh man was I an "interesting" sight at the Dr's.

Fast Forward 1 hour:
The Dr was pleased to see 2 follicles on the right ovary, each 16mm in size...
So this means that the Clomid did its job and we are right on track for the next step in our IUI cycle.
The next step is the HCG shot. The HCG shot is a "trigger" shot for ovulation, once given the shot I will ovulate within 24-36 hours. Trav received only written instructions on how to administer the shot...ekkkkkkk!!
He says the shot is the part he is the most nervous about..:)
We have to set an alarm for early Sunday morning for 1am...The shot is VERY time sensitive, so it MUST be done at this time only.

We have the IUI scheduled for Monday the 27th at 11am!!!!!!!
We are very excited to take the next step in the Cycle...this will be new territory for us, but we are ready!!!
To my amazement, Dr A never once questioned my choice of shirt, or the flip flops!!!

I am strangley peaceful...
Today was a BIG day, yet I felt peace throughout
Today I feel good!
I am at Peace

Here we go again!!!

2011-06-20T07:43:00.000-07:00

We have officially started our 2nd cycle of IUI....truly our first FULL cycle of IUI.
I had the first ultrasound on Thursday and the Doctor said we were good to start all the medication!
He also said a few things that caused me alarm:
The lining of my uterus is thick..."Many women have conceived with thick lining"
I have a large Fibroid..."But it isn't in the way of your ovaries, unless it grows or we see more at the next ultrasound"
My left ovary was "hiding", being pushed by the Fibroid
My uterus is tilted..."This isn't a reason for infertility"

Dr. A said that none of these are a reason for infertility, and most women can conceive with one of more of these...BUT I left that appointment really confused.
I am really bad at thinking in the moment. If I have any questions, they usually come to me a day after the appointment or when I try to relay the information to Trav. Trav is good at "on the spot" thinking, therefore he always gets his questions answered. When I go by myself, I almost never get my questions answered...at the time of the appointment I really don't have any!

After talking with Trav, he is going to my next ultrasound. I'm really looking forward to having him by my side and him being able to ask the right questions.
The Cycle 10 day ultrasound is new territory for us, and this is the appointment where the Dr. can see if the medication is working.
When Clomid is used, the hope is that I will produce 2-4 follicles. Follicles are tiny fluid-filled sacs which carry and egg. The more follicles I have, the more possible eggs I have!
Each follicle must be within 16-24 mm in size. The size of the follicles dictates whether or not it contains a viable egg. If the ultrasound indicates that the follicles are not big enough, the IUI is cancelled and I am put on a stronger dosage of the Clomid, and we try again in a month.

Please join us in prayer as the anticipation and anxiety rises!
Pray for me (Carey) to relax
Pray for the meds to do their thing
Pray for Travis and I...this isn't easy to go thru, it is hard on your marriage, your patience, and your intimacy.

Camping!!!

2011-06-15T18:45:00.001-07:00

We took a "mini" camping trip to O'Neill Park over the weekend!
A few of our friends had never been camping before, so Trav being the Eagle Scout that he is, really wanted to take them and show them a good time!
It was probably the fastest camping trip EVER! We only stayed one night, but this turned out to be perfect.

We took a small hike, lots of pictures, played Frisbee and just relaxed. It was a really nice break for Trav, it was so good to see him relaxing. We also celebrated Travs b-day!! Elise made brownies and we sang to him:)

Poor Elise was so sick, you won't see her in any pictures...poor thing...Deneva and I laughed a lot! From her making funny noises to cover up my funny noises, to sticking candy all over our shirts...to playing catch...Whatever we do, we always laugh!

I really enjoyed watching the mother/daughter relationship between Deneva and Megan...It is refreshing to see that they still hold hands and sit laps..I guess, we are always just our mommies little girls

Maddy, Darrin, Ashton and Megan climbed this HUGE tree! Oh man...those kids have so much energy!!!

7 Truths about our camping trip!
1. Yes, Its true...some men read directions
2. Even Eagle Scouts burn themselves on fire
3. Rocks make really good toys for kids
4. Yes....camping is dirty!!
5. Deneva only wore 7 bracelets on the first day:)
6. Trav and I are LOUD
7. It was a PERFECT weekend with friends!!

Infertility Update

2011-05-30T19:39:00.000-07:00

I finally found a pharmacy that would administer my Rubella shot! Trav and I were out for a late night snack and we walked into a Rite Aid. Did you know they now offer all kinds of immunizations, so we thought we would ask about a MMR (adult) shot! Thank you to Kelly at the Los Alamitos Rite Aide!
I GOT MY SHOT!!!

I only have about 2 more weeks to wait before we can continue with our treatment...or rather, start over with our treatment!

My mom wanted to make sure that everyone knows she DID get my shots when I was a little girl! I had the Rubella shot in 1979:) Thank you mom for taking care of me:)
She called me today when she found my shot records...as well as all my report cards and my school pictures!
I declined her offer to take all my report cards back, and she can keep all those awful "awkward" pictures too!

Romans 8:28
In all things God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose

You are Enough!!

2011-05-26T09:26:00.001-07:00

After a very emotional evening, I needed a word, a whisper, a gentle reminder of my hearts purpose!
I found myself looking to the Psalms for answers, encouragement, anything that would give my heart peace...

Psalm 63:3-5 (New Living Translation)
Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.

His love is better than ANYTHING...even the blessing of a child
How I praise Him
I will praise YOU as long as I live...even if I never hear the tender words "I love you mommy"
Lifting my hands, my sorrows, my dreams, my heart to YOU in prayer
You satisfy me me more than the finest foods...even chocolate:)
I WILL PRAISE YOU!

This Psalm points me back to the basics!!!
His love is better than anything else!!
Prayer + Worship + Praise = Purpose!!!!
I will praise YOU! This is my focus, my purpose, my daily goal!
Thank you Lord for the simple reminder that YOU are my purpose...
Teach me Lord to look outside of my situation to see you at work.
Teach me that serving You is purpose enough for me.
You are enough!

Wait means "Hide"...Right??

2011-05-19T09:46:00.000-07:00

When God said "wait" to me, my heart hears HIDE..
Hide your disappointment
Hide your true feelings
Hide from those that just don't "get it"
Hide yourself from those that are pregnant
Hide yourself from babies
Hide yourself in the comfort of your house
Just HIDE

Hide: to put or keep out of sight, to cover up, to conceal..Most of us hide a portion of ourselves from others. The parts that we aren't proud of, the things that we think are not acceptable, the innermost parts of our hearts and the fears that run so deep within us we cannot.. will not.. speak of them.
What I have found to be true of myself is that I hide when things don't go my way or when things are difficult.
I revert back to my 5 year old self...I throw an adult tantrum, arguing with the Lord, pleading with Him for "my way", kicking and screaming inside my heart and I hide beneath the comfort of my throw blanket...all while laying on my couch.
While I know the Lords wants us to have the heart of children, I highly doubt that was what he meant.

My desire to hide is fear driven. I fear that if people truly knew how I felt, they would reject me. So in an effort to protect myself, I hide. Self-preservation keeps me hiding from people...

I have yet to understand why I choose to hide from the Lord. I keep my disappointments to myself, I hide my frustration, I hide my anger, I hide my dreams, I hide myself.
There is a very old song called "You are my hiding place"...
You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You

I will trust in You! I will trust in You!
This song reminds me that HE is my hiding place. So often I forget that He is the one I can run to. He can handle my "truth", He can handle my raw emotions. HE is my comfort, not my blankie. I am not a child, BUT I am HIS princess...HE can still hold me and quiet my tears. He views my adult tantrums as a good thing! It is a side effect of "my will" slowly dying and giving way to HIS!

As I wait, I will choose to HIDE in Jesus!!!!
Today I choose to let "my will" die
Today I choose to be vulnerable
Today I choose to trust in HIM!!

Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you
Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I will trust in you.

When God says "Wait"

2011-05-18T08:38:00.001-07:00

I came across this amazing poem and it really touched my heart...
It reminded me of 2 things:
1: God truly does hear my cries and my requests
2: God does have a plan for me
It may not always be my timing, but there is a purpose for this "waiting" stage!
I pray you find this as encouraging as I did....
If you are waiting on the Lord for an answer, please know that He has a specific purpose and specific timing for you as well!

Wait…
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait".

"Wait? You say, wait! " my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting.... for what?"
He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want - But you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save.... (for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that "My grace is sufficient for Thee."
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!

So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, "WAIT."
Author Unknown

Picnic!

2011-05-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

Spent the day just laying around and relaxing with my two favorite guys:) Travis and Kisser!!

On Saturday Trav decided we needed a little de-stress time, so we packed up the car and the dog and headed to El Dorado Park for a picnic...just our little family!
It was a little cold, but so relaxing!
We love to take pictures wherever we go, Saturday was no different...

Trav took a nap and Kisser (our dog) and I took a walk:)
It was a perfect day! A much needed break from laundry, dishes and cleaning.
A fresh reminder that we are so blessed!
I love my family!

Frustration in the form of Rubella...

2011-05-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

Well, there is good news and bad news!
Bad news:
I was so encouraged when I was able to schedule an appointment with my PCP Dr S., for last Thursday. True, I had to miss a little work, true it really wasn't convenient for the office...but I was determined to get this ball rolling!
So when I arrive, and wait for 20 minutes, after I pay my co-pay the receptionist nicely tells me that they don't stock this shot. She then shows me that my chart has notes from Dr S. stating that the Rubella shot needs to be ordered...NOW, working in an office myself, I know that they had plenty of time to look at my chart prior to my coming in for my appointment yet they didn't therefore causing me to leave my work for no reason.

I was comforted by the fact that they can order the shot. So I figured I would give them a few days and call to schedule my next appointment for my shot.
I called the PCP office today to check on the Rubella status...
After being on hold for 20 minutes, "Becky" comes on the line and says that it isn't in yet. (that's office speak for we haven't ordered it yet)..So I ask her if it has been ordered and she says "no, we can only order it in packs of 10 and we don't need 10 of them..we would never use them, plus they are expensive" She then explains that Dr. S is going to call a colleague of his and see if he can purchase just one shot.
I politely let her know that I am waiting for this shot to continue my infertility treatment...She says she is aware and they will call me later today and let me know if Dr. S was able to get me the shot...

Can we all just do a collective heavy sigh.....:(
I have been trying really hard to keep a positive attitude, by I just had to vent today. I am frustrated and feel like no one is hearing me. I made a pledge to be honest with all of you throughout my journey. It will not always be pretty or even make sense but what it will always be honest...
Today I don't feel encouraged
Today I don't feel positive
Today I feel alone

I almost forgot there is good news!
The good news is that my RE office let me know that after I get the Rubella shot I only have to wait a full 30 before I continue my next cycle!!!

Will you pray with me?
Will you pray for me?
Will you join me in prayer for ALL the women that are suffering from infertility. I know I am not alone, and I know this story plays out every day for someone.
Will you pray?

Mothers Day!!

2011-05-10T15:56:00.000-07:00

We spent Saturday at Mission Viejo Lake with Trav's family! The weather was sunny but cold:) It was so good to see all of his family, even little baby Carson:) I am truly blessed to have the in-laws that I have!! We love spending time with them:)

Sunday we spent the day with my mom! We had a lot to celebrate this year, it was the first Mothers day after all my moms chemo was done, it was the first photo shoot since she lost all her hair, my sister, (who is also a mom) was celebrating her big weight loss, and me.....I was celebrating my mom!!

I was celebrating the fact that she is cancer free!
I was celebrating her for the AMAZING friend that she is.
I celebrate her for the example of a loving wife that she has been to me
I celebrate her integrity
I celebrate her marriage
I celebrate her health
I celebrate how blessed I am that she is my mom....

She is the most beautiful woman I know! The kindest, most giving, most selfless woman I know and she loves the Lord with ALL her heart! She has taught me so much through the years, but the most important thing she instilled in my life was this:

Jesus first, Jesus always, Jesus Only!
Matthew 6:33 (NLT)
33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Thank you mom for reminding me that He will take care of me....I need just seek His face:)

5 Years ago today....

2011-05-06T07:17:00.000-07:00

I married my best-friend, my biggest cheerleader, my partner, my comforter, my sweetie, my LOVE!

You still make me laugh until I have to pee
I feel safe and secure to be the real me
You have wiped away countless tears
Sat with me as I revealed my deepest fears
You are the one I choose to love
5 years ago today...
I made the best decision of my life
I gave myself to be your wife

Thank you for loving me, just as I am
Thank you for trusting me with whole your heart
Thank you for all the encouragement you've given
Thank you for always pointing me to the Lord
Thank you for your never ending support
Thank you for being my friend
Thank you for loving me, just as I am

Can't wait to see what the next year will brings us!!! Whatever it is,I know we will get through it together, side by side:)
Love you Baby!!!!

Slight Detour...(heavy sigh)

2011-05-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

Roadblocked, Detour, Turn Around, Slow Down, Change the Route...
My IUI cycle was cancelled. I received the call from my RE yesterday stating that my blood results were in...
And all looks good except my Rubella test. I am not immune to Rubella and they will not continue my treatment until I get my immunization shot.

Rubella is a viral infection that is most serious in pregnant females because it can harm their unborn baby. It is also called German measles or 3-day measles.
If a women is in her 1st trimester of pregnancy and catches the disease her baby has up to a 90% chance of being born deaf, blind, mentally retarded, with heart defects or stillborn. These conditions are referred to as Congenital Rubella Syndrome (CRS).

The Plan:
Get Rubella vaccine!!!! I have an appointment tomorrow for the shot BUT you have to wait anywhere from 1-6 months AFTER the shot to try to conceive. Bummer right?

So we are currently in the "waiting" stage. We are disappointed, but very glad that the Dr's. were smart enough to find this and the action required is easy! It's the waiting that will be tough. The waiting that hurts my heart. The waiting that gets me discouraged, the waiting that isn't easy...BUT
Part of living as a believer is making the choice to follow God even when it isn't easy. When our prayers are not answered in the ways we had hoped and when God says "WAIT" or even "NO" to the things we have been dreaming of. That is when we have to choose which way we will go. We can walk away and say "fine, if that's the way it is, I don't want to be a part" or we can choose to say "Yes, Lord" and accept His answer without understanding it simply because we trust His heart.

Travis and I say "Yes, Lord we will wait"
Isaiah 55:8 My (God's) thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are not your ways

What we hope to see...

2011-05-03T08:14:00.000-07:00

I wonder if I can force my body to produce follicles? I've tried mind-control by concentrating on follicles and eggs, I've dreamt about follicles, I've prayed for follicles but tomorrow we will find out if the Clomid worked.

Clomid stimulates the release of hormones necessary for ovulation to occur. When Clomid is used, the hope is that I will produce 2-4 follicles. Follicles are tiny fluid-filled sacs which carry and egg. The more follicles I have, the more possible eggs I have!
Each follicle must be within 16-24 mm in size. The size of the follicles dictates whether or not it contains a viable egg. If the ultrasound indicates that the follicles are not big enough, the IUI is cancelled and I am put on a stronger dosage of the Clomid, and we try again in a month.
If the follicles are big enough and the Doctors like what they see at tomorrows ultrasound, then we move forward!!!!

Moving forward means that Travis will be instructed on how to administer a shot to me, and I will be taking Progesterone daily..(yay! more meds)
The shot is called a "Trigger" shot, once the shot has been given, I will ovulate within 34 hours. This allows them to specifically time the IUI with my ovulation.

Wheewwwwwwww! Did you get all that? I had NO idea that so much was involved and that there are many steps in just one Cycle of an IUI.
Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement. Travis and I are truly blessed with such amazing friends and family!!!
I will let you know how the ultrasound goes tomorrow!!

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to Him,
and He will make your paths straight.

Outbursts...Day 7

2011-04-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

Are you the type of person that reads the labels on all the medication that you are taking? Do you read the possible side effects and imagine that you have EVERY single on of them all at that very minute???
I have taken Clomid before, so I was aware of what it can do to my emotional state, but had forgotten the physical side effects...
UNTIL I did the forbidden act of: READING THE SIDE EFFECTS FROM THE LABEL!!!!!
WARNING:
The following adverse events have been reported in patients in clinical trials: Acute abdomen, appetite increase, constipation, dermatitis or rash, depression, diarrhea, dizziness, fatigue, hair loss/dry hair, increased urinary frequency/volume, insomnia, light-headedness, nervous tension, vertigo, weight gain/loss

Translation: Carey will experience big appetite, constipation, rashes, bouts of tears for no reason, don't want to get off the couch-ism, dizziness, frequent trips to the toilet, nervous energy and getting fat or possible thin......
WOW!! And they prescribe this to people who are trying to have more intimacy with their husbands..hahah!!! IRONIC right?

I just have to sit back and laugh and try not to take myself too seriously!
Yesterday, I had more of the emotional side effects, I call them my "mini outbursts"
They can happen at ANY moment, with ANYONE, for ANY reason or no reason at all...
Yesterday I experienced several "mini outburst"...
I feel the need to share some of them so I can truly see the ridiculousness of them!
#1: Trav lost his wallet, OUTBURST
#2: My dress didn't make me feel pretty, OUTBURST
#3: Chicken salad, that's all I can say for now: OUTBURST
#4: Pharmacy shipped my meds to wrong location: OUTBURST
#5: My dog stepped on my toes: OUTBURST

Ridiculous right? Today as I wait at home for more meds to be delivered, I am reminded of how truly blessed and fortunate Travis and I are.
We are remiss if we only focus on the negative side effects, if we only remember the hard times of this journey. I MUST shed light on the good also, and the good far outweighs any "mini outburst". Travis and I are closer than we have ever been, I have new friendships due to our common struggle, both of our families are supportive and so much more!!!

This is not only a quest for our own family, but a quest to understand the Lord better and to learn to trust in Him. If we strip away all the meds, the Doctors, the test...we are left with the simple truth that if the Lord wants us to have a baby...WE WILL!!!!!
He is in control, always was and always will be:) Enough said...

Confessions of an IUI Cycle #1

2011-04-27T19:53:00.000-07:00

Confession #1: IUI is intrauterine insemination, or artificial insemination, in which specially washed sperm is injected through the cervix directly into the uterus. ...
Confession #2: Often IUI is accompanied by fertility drugs, such as Clomid
Confession #3: We are entering our first cycle of IUI!

We have been trying to conceive for about 4 years now and our journey has led us to try IUI. We have researched all our options, prepared ourselves for the blood tests, the ultrasounds, the uncomfortable conversations...But nothing could have prepared me for the emotional side of IUI.
Every day of my "cycle" is laid out, most days an action is required, be it taking a pill, a temperature, a measurement or a shot. Every day is another reminder that this is soooo not natural, that this isn't the normal way to have a baby...essentially that "I" am not normal.

Confession #4: I am scared. I am scared that it won't work, a little terrified that it will work. I am afraid to have hope, and fearful of what will happen if I do.

I had my first ultrasound today on CD(cycle-day) 5, today I will start Clomid 50mg for 5 days. My next ultrasound will be on CD 12....and that is as far as we can plan right now. Each week our tests results tell us if we can move forward to the next step...
So right now, we wait and try to adjust to our "new normal".

Confession #5: I'm secretly EXCITED!!!

Storm!!!

2010-11-19T08:22:00.000-08:00

As I was driving to work today, I was reminiscing about this past year.
All the good, the bad and the ugly! This past year has been an AMAZING year as well as an EXTREMELY CHALLENGING year!

AMAZING in ways that I can't really put into words.(but I will try) AMAZING watching my dad care for my mom as she went through surgery, chemo, the loss of her hair and all the emotional ups and downs. The way my dad was there for her through EVERY step and EVERY emotion. He not only drove her to all her appointments, but sat with her and held her hand when she needed, cried with her, laughed with her, protected her, held her, served her, and above all... gently turned her face to the Lord when she was overwhelmed. My dads strength throughout this journey has been inspiring!! I know my dads strength only comes from the Lord!!
AMAZING friends that have become family!! Sweet friends that have walked the infertility road before me and can offer not only support, but a shoulder to cry on and hands to pray with. Crazy friends that we can laugh with, friends with wisdom to walk beside us.

CHALLENGING in so many different ways. I (Carey) have had more dental work done this year than my whole life..(slight exaggeration). BUT, we don't have dental insurance, so that hurts more than just my mouth!
CHALLENGING financially. Due to lots of car trouble, lots of medical expenses! Loss of friendships, that I thought would last forever. Loss of my precious doggie Fugazi, and loss of hope. Hope that someday I would be a mom. I'm still working through this one because this one is heartbreaking.
CHALLENGING in the fact that through all the infertility testing we have gone through, they still cannot find a "reason" that we can't conceive.

No matter what this past year has thrown at us, one thing has remained calm and consistent...The Lord is the glue that holds my family together!!! I would call this last year a "STORM", and as I listened to the words of this song by Casting Crowns, I am reminded that:

I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise YOU in this storm!!

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I will praise You in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

So I will praise Him and thank Him!!!! Thank you for ALWAYS being there for me and praise You, for You are ALWAYS in control!!

Favorite Recipes!!

2010-11-11T11:50:00.000-08:00

My favorite time of year!! The time when the "special" recipes come out, you know the ones that have been passed down or shared just between your family!!
Well, this following recipes are passed down from my boss. He is an AMAZING cook!!! (and boss too)
I know ANY recipe that he gives me is excellent:)
Below are 2 of my favorite dessert recipes from him! They will impress your friends and family! PLUS they taste delicious too!

CHOCOLATE PECAN PIE
Ingredients:
1 3/4 Cups Pecans
3/4 Cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 unbaked 9 inch pie shell (Mrs. Smiths)
4 Eggs, beaten
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup light brown sugar (packed)
1/2 cup corn syrup (Karro)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract(not imitation)
Pinch of salt
Preheat oven to 375 Spread the pecan pieces and the chocolate chips evenly on the bottom of the pie shell

In a mixing bowl, whisk the remaining ingredients together. Pour the filling over the pecans. Bake until the filling sets 50-60 minutes
Remove from oven and cool for 30 minutes before slicing!!!
Enjoy

CHOCOLATE PECAN OATMEAL COOKIES
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups pecans
1/2 pd unsalted butter at room temp
1 cup dark brown sugar, lightly packed
1 cup granulated sugar
2 extra large eggs at room temp
2 tsp pure vanilla extract (no imitations)
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp salt
3 cups old fashioned oatmeal
1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350Place pecans on a sheet pan and bake for 5 minutes until crisp. Set aside to cool

In a bowl, beat butter, brown sugar and sugar together on med..beat until light and fluffy. With mixer on low add eggs one at a time ad the vanilla

Sift the flour, baking powder, cinnamon and salt together in a medium bowl. With mixer on low, slowly add the fry ingredients to butter mixture. Add the oats, chocolate chips and pecans and mix with your hand until the flour is incorporated.

Using a small ice cream scoop drop 2 inch mounds of dough on baking sheet. Flatten the dough mounds slightly. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, until lightly browned.
Cool completely before eating!

Pumpkin Time!!

2010-10-29T19:56:00.001-07:00

It's pumpkin carvin' time..yeeeeehawwwwwww!
I have been begging Trav to carve pumpkins for 3 years now, but we always run out of time to actually do it...Not this year!! Over the weekend Trav grew so tired of my whining that he took me and some sweet friends to do it right!
By right I mean, to the pumpkin patch we drove...followed by the obligatory pumpkin patch pics...then off to some grub...then finally to the cutting!!!!
Such a perfect day to relax, laugh and get my carvin' on!!!!

Perspective!!!

2010-10-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

Due to my previous post...most of my friends and parents were worried about me:)
I am OK! Merely sharing my heart with you.
HOWEVER, having said that, God always shows up! No matter what the situation is, He will show up and show off!
NEVER before have Trav and I talked about the positive side to being MNK..(married, no kids)(yet).
I have always viewed it as such a negative that I haven't even considered there being anything positive about it...UNTIL NOW!!
I decided to make a list of all the positive so that I could reflect back on these words when needed.

Because we don't have children(yet):
We have more time!!! More time means we can serve in a ministry! We currently are serving in the Youth ministry at our church! And from that ministry have come friendships that keep me grounded in the Lord and focused on His will...not mine..

We can focus on our marriage! We joined a marriage group that has opened up so many more doors for us! Thru those relationships we have been able to do Monthly Family Game Nights!
As a direct result of a marriage group, my sweet friend Deneva and I were able to plan, organize and coordinate the Women's Retreat last year, and we are working on next year as we speak! Travis has meet amazing Godly men that have shown him anything from how to install an air conditioner to playing computer games:)
We unofficially became part of the Buffum family! They live 5 minutes from us and have been a HUGE blessing to our marriage and to our backs:)....their jacuzzi works wonders!

We joined the volleyball team!! Nate and Elise invited us! Elise cuts my hair and I always enjoy our times together! She is always honest and seems to always bring a new perspective to things...Nate is Travs go-to guy for prayer.

It's all about perspective!! I choose today to have Gods Perspective and realize how blessed we truly are and rest in the peace that comes with knowing the God is in control!!!
Thank you Lord for blessing the Covey's

Action = Results??....not today

2010-10-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

Many of us expect that if we work out, we will feel better and lose inches
If we stop smoking we will be healthier
If we get an oil change on our car, it will run better
We naturally expect that our ACTION = RESULTS.
OR
that if we don't like something, we can easily change it!
If we don't like our clothes.....just change our outfit
If we don't like our hair....just dye it a different color
If we don't like our home....well, just move
You get the idea....

We develop a false sense that we can control or manipulate our circumstances with these "quick fixes". That WE are indeed in the drivers seat of our life. We believe that if we don't like something....just change it or ourselves!! We are a "control" driven society.

BUT, what happens when we realize that much is beyond our control and that we are NOT indeed in the drivers seat?

As many of you know Trav and I have been trying to start our family. This year has been a series of appointments, blood tests, medication, procedures and disappointments. Month after month we follow the "instructions" and month after month we see NO results.
I am NOT in control. I am NOT in the drivers seat.

Today I took another pregnancy test, today I suffered another heartbreak, today I wonder if I will ever be a mom, today I wonder if my husband is disappointed in me, today I sit here broken, today I long to hold a baby, today I fail to see the beauty of just being a wife, today I hope for the day that I may dedicate my child to the Lord, today I sit here confused, angry, bitter and NOT in control....today I sit sharing my heart with my friends.

Normally this is where I end with a pretty bow, and make it all nice nice....
Not today, just not today.......
Today, much is beyond my control
Today, Action does NOT = Results

Truth and Love

2010-09-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

Krista...
One of my previous posts is about friendship....and how the Lord brings certain women into your life at opportune times.
Krista has been that friend for me as of late...She challenges me and pushes me to be my authentic self, to be real, to be the true me all of the time....not just when its easy and comfortable.

The really interesting thing is that she doesn't even know that she is pushing or challenging me. She speaks what is on her heart, she tells it how it is. She speaks the truth, but surrounds it with love. Lots of women (myself included) shy away from these friends because we are fearful of what will come out of their mouths...afraid of being hurt or a lot of times we fear hearing the truth about ourselves, so we put distance between us and them....Leaving us unchanged and unchallenged.

Ephesians 4:14;(The Message) God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.

The Lord has been placing on my heart, the need...the calling, to be truthful in love..To be bold and speak the truth in Love, even when it hurts or makes me uncomfortable.
Here are some of the things that I am learning about truth and love!

Speaking the truth in love is NOT watering down the truth
Speaking the truth in love necessitates the use of both positive and negative
Speaking the truth in love must be plain to understand
Jesus is the ultimate example of speaking the truth in love!!

So I leave you tonight with this thought:
Are you being the "true you"...the you that speaks the truth in love, the you that the Lord designed with His own hands, the you that is unique, the you that is vulnerable, the you that doesn't water down the truth, the you that you are called to be...
Will you take the challenge with me tomorrow?
Will you make it a priority to speak the truth in love for a day?
Lets change and be challenged........ one day at a time!

Psalm 9:9-10

2010-08-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

Psalm 9:9-10 (The Message)
God is a safe-house for the battered,
a sanctuary during bad times.
The moment you arrive, you relax;
You're never sorry you knocked

Let the Lord keep you safe today...Sit in His sanctuary and relax!

Seasoned vs. Reason...

2010-08-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

I am very fortunate to have many different women in my life. Women from all different walks and stages of life!
What a fool I would be to NOT gain wisdom from some & help guide others. I believe the Lord has placed certain women in our lives for a "season" and some women in our lives for a "reason"!

My "seasoned" friends are the ones I can share with, the ones that stick with me through EVERY season of my life. They have walked the road before me, they have failed, tried again and grown and are now extending their hand to support me in my journey!
These are the women with whom a WE can share our brokenness, our hurt and our battles. These women are encouraging, great listeners, vulnerable, strong, and vital to my growth as a Christian woman.
These women are all ages!!! <em>These women point you to the one that heals, the great comforter and the ultimate friend

The "reason" friend is the friend that shares WITH me! They be-friend with a purpose!! A goal in mind....a specific situation brings these friends into your life. These women are intentional in their relationships, intentional in their speech.
These women share THEIR brokenness, their valleys and their successes with you. These women have something to share with you, something to help grow you, something that they know you need to hear!
These women are great listeners of the Lord, they listen closely to their father and share accordingly. These women are fearless!! These women challenge you but at the same time help motivate you! These women are vital to your growth as a Christian woman! These women point you to the one that heals, the great comforter and the ultimate friend!

I want to challenge you to think about what kind of friend you are....
Are you rising to the occasion when the Lords pulls at your heart? Are you being open and honest with your friendships?
What encouragement do you have to offer a friend, what trials have you been through that you can share that wisdom with a friend, how can you support your friend in her journey, how can you pray for your sister, and how can you point women to the One that heals, the Great Comforter, the Ultimate friend....

We are all called to be both a "seasoned" and a "reason" friend! Both types of friends are VITAL to our growth as Christian women!
What kind of friend will you be this week? This day? This year??
My prayer is that as you are reading this that the Lord has placed someone on your heart! I encourage you to reach out and be that friend!!

Things I DIDN'T care about UNTIL I turned 30!!

2010-08-11T09:49:00.000-07:00
* The JOY of having a custom fit bra
* The right to preview/delete any or all pictures taken of me
* Hiding the pores on my face (Thank God for mineral makeup)
* The importance of 8 hours sleep
* The VERY LOUD ticking of my biological clock
* Wearing 2 inch heels all day
* Eating dinner before 7pm
* Going out in public without makeup
* The advantages of under eye cream
* Comfort being a factor when selecting an outfit
* Quality over Quantity, when it comes to friends
* Building my 401K
* Saying "I love you" EVERYDAY to those around me
* How close the hospital is to my home

I know some of you out there are going to point out that I passed 30, 6 years ago....Well YES i did (thank you) BUT I'm realizing how different my thinking is now than before that milestone!!

Sunday go to meeting clothes!!

2010-07-31T10:24:00.000-07:00
Once a year my church has a "Back to Church Sunday"!
It's a time where the men wear suits and the ladies wear dresses and hats:)
It's a time where we just loosen up and dress up! Always a fun day. We even breakout all the "old" songs, you know the ones from the 80's, hahaha!

I LOVE my church and the family that I have there! We have been truly blessed with so many GREAT friends and relationships!
When we first came to Light and Life Downey, we were hurt, broken and in need of acceptance and love. What we found when we got there were people willing to mend us and help put us back together. People that would accept us regardless of our pasts, present or how we looked. What we found was Jesus with skin on!

I just have to take a moment to thank all of my family at LLCF Downey!!
I can see the Lords hand a year ago. He was leading us into relationships that would help support us both as we went into this hard year. Friends that would hold me while I cried over the death of my sweet dog, friends that would listen to me as I shared the news of my moms cancer tests, and friends that would laugh with me and friends that would ALWAYS turn my eyes back to Jesus!

Since we have been at LLCF Downey, we have been involved in Youth ministry, Women's ministry (which is a seperate blog all together) and Trav has done most of the Photography for the church! (that is why he isn't in any of the pics)
We felt so blessed that we just had to give back to the people and serve at the church!
As we grow new friendships and help heal, mend and love on other broken people.... We just wanted to take a moment to say THANK YOU to all our church family!
Gods love grows out of each one of you, and extends to all around you. We are truly blessed to be a part of LLCF Downey!

A new "normal"

2010-07-28T09:13:00.000-07:00
Wow! It has been WAY too long....
So much has happened this year, so much has changed...I just couldn't find the words to describe the pain that I was feeling or I'm not sure that I wanted to invite the world into MY journey these past 7 months.
BUT, I know that if I share my experiences, that somewhere out there, my life may help, reach, teach, heal, or help others that are going thru the same thing.

Changes:I fear change to some degree, I LOVE to change my hair, my furniture or even my style of dressing....One thing that I assumed would always stay the same was MY FAMILY.
My family adopted a new "normal" in May of this year. My mom was diagnosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer. She has gone thru surgery, and is now is Chemo.....

I have seen my mom go thru so many different emotions and feelings. I have seen her be STRONG, I have seen her WEAK, I have seen her CRY, and I have seen her LAUGH!!!
My mom is an AMAZING woman!! Not only is she an INCREDIBLE woman, she is a woman of the LORD!!!!!
Thru all the ups and downs of her new "normal", the one thing that is consistent, is her faith in the Lord!!! She has NEVER wavered from that! She knows that she is in the Lords hands, she knows that HE is in control!! She knows that she is a testament of His love for her and His faithfulness:)

So, mom.....thank you so much for the example that you have been to me. Thank you for the early morning encouragement that you send me! Thank you for being honest with me, thank you for pointing me to Jesus when I felt hopeless, thank you for being the strong woman that you are, thank you for praying for me.........Most of all I thank you for letting the Lord heal your body and your spirit, thank you for letting me watch you grow deeper with the Lord as your body grows weaker, thank you for sharing yourself with me in new ways, and thank you for always letting me ask questions....
I am truly blessed to call you my mom!!!
I have seen a new strength in you mom...I know that it is not you, but it is the Lord!!!!

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Christmas "Kick off"

2009-12-07T09:57:00.000-08:00
This weekend kicked off our "Christmas season".
First we had our annual Decorating Party at my mom and dads house:)

Every year, we decorate to my favorite Christmas Album... Amy Grant!!!!!!,
Dad and Christian pick out the tree.
Alicia and I bake something yummy:)!!!

Trav and I plan the games and we top it all off
with a White Elephant gift exchange and a little game of Farkle!!

Then on Saturday it was off to my work Christmas Party!!

My boss always cooks these AMAZING dinners for us! This year it was short ribs, green beans with hazelnuts, homemade lemon meringue pie, and a chocolate torte!
Food was wonderful, as usual, and its always fun to hang out outside of the office:)

My co-workers have become my "extended family" after 12 years of working together, that's only natural!!

This was a very busy weekend! But an amazing one for sure! I was able to take my mind off of "things" and just relax and celebrate with those that I love so much!
Oh yeah...plus I colored my hair!!!

Patience has NEVER been my strong point

2009-12-03T10:54:00.000-08:00
Patience is a "virtue", patience is a "blessing", patience is "character", patience IS SOOO HARD!!!!
As many of you know we are going through Infertility treatments. Needless to say this has been a tough, grueling time for us. It's been emotionally and financially draining.

The doctors didn't find any specific reason for my infertility, however have put me on Clomid. Clomid is a fertility drug used to strengthen the egg. The pill (clomid) is taken for 5 days on certain days of a women's cycle. It can increase your chances of having multiples (only 5%) but most get pregnant using Clomid within 6 months.
Clomid is only effective for 3 successful cycles. A successful cycle is weighed by the level of progesterone in your blood on day 21 of your cycle (or of course if you become pregnant). The progesterone should be higher than 15, no less than 10!! This indicates a successful round of Clomid. Clomid looses its effectiveness after 3cycles.
I am currently on my second cycle, however the first cycle was NOT successful, so this could be my first "successful" cycle. Thus enters the PATIENCE, or my lack thereof. Today was day 21 of my cycle so I gave blood and wait for the results.
My patience is thinning, due to the fact that I feel like I'm been doing all the "right" things, but still seeing NO results.

I'm sharing all of this with you, to ask you to please pray for T and I. We are very discouraged. We have been trying to conceive for 2 years, and have been waiting for the Lords perfect timing. I do know He does have a perfect time, and His timing is NEVER my timing...
Each month is such a roller coaster of emotions. Clomid has its own side effects, not to mention that as a rule, I am an emotional person...top my natural emotional self with a ton of extra hormones...all I can say is POOR TRAVIS...
Thank you for your prayers for our family!!

Felt like Home:)

2009-12-01T20:04:00.000-08:00
We had an AMAZING Thanksgiving! This year we were spending the day with Travs family in Orange County.
The day started off slow, really relaxing...we weren't expected at their house
until 2. We watched a movie, had breakfast & hung out in our pajamas! It was perfect, until we started out to the O.C.
TRAFFIC...ugh. There was so much traffic that it took us 35 minutes to go 5 miles.

When we did arrive, the day just got better. Trav and I have been married almost 4 years, but I can honestly say that this was the first time I truly felt like part of the "Covey" family. It was such a great feeling to be accepted (even though we were late) and just loved on. My mother-n-law, Karen, was so open and I really felt like she was enjoying my company. I even helped with the dishes!! (now that's family)
So, I was so very thankful this year that the Coveys and I have grown closer and our relationship keeps developing!
God is so faithful!! I know I keep saying that but its so true:)

The day after Thanksgiving we invited T's parents over for a decorating party at our house! In my pajamas, I decorated the tree with Karen and T and his dad hung the lights and did all the "manly" stuff. Again, I am so blessed to have been given such cool in-laws! Karen and I bonded over Amy Grant:) and told stories of Christmas's past. I do think I may have cried too:) We ended the night with a friendly game of WII bowling!!

We ended our Holiday weekend by throwing a Family Game night at our house! Mom, dad, Alica, Christian and us:) The WII was the center of the "gaming" but we did play 4 games of FARKLE! My mom won all but one:(

Family, Fun, and lots of thanks!!! That about sums up my Thanksgiving!
I could truly go on and on about all the things we are thankful for!! This past year has been an amazing one...We found a Church Home, T got promoted, We finally started fertility treatment, I have made some new girlfriends, we joined a marriage group, we realized that God can still use us:), and there is just too much to name here, but again...GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!!!

Not your typical Womens Retreat!

2009-11-07T15:41:00.000-08:00

I had an amazing time at the retreat, but not for the obvious reasons. The teaching focus of the weekend was "The bride of Christ"...
The speaker was just not my style. I had a hard time focusing on what she was saying and felt myself being easily distracted. That's NOT to say that I didn't learn anything, but not in the typical way.

What I walked away with was an AMAZING look into my heart & the motives of my actions or lack of actions regarding our finances. I hate conflict, so if there was any "issues" with our finances...I would just ignore it until we got paid again. I know some of you think I'm CRAZY, (I am) but I was just so uncomfortable talking about anything regarding our money.
At the retreat I attended a Budget & Finance workshop (at the nudging of the Lord) I actually felt like this was tailored just for me. My heart was so burdened that weekend with the fiances, and I just felt like "this is why I am here".
As I sat in the workshop soaking up all the information, my heart became more heavy by the minute. I knew the way I had been "avoiding" and making decisions without consulting T was WRONG...I heard it LOUD & CLEAR!

AS soon as the workshop was over, a nap was in order! After the nap, I spent some time with the Lord confessing, thanking Him, and praising Him! He has been so faithful even thru my avoidance He has always provided for us!!
But...my heart knew that there was more to be done...I had to confess to T, and ask him for forgiveness as well. T was way excited about the pending new financial plan, he forgave me right away and jumped on board!!!

I went into this weekend expecting to meet with God, but never imagined it would be in my checkbook! He never ceases to AMAZE me and SURPRISE me!

Below are some of the "budget tips":
Spend all your money on paper BEFORE you cash your check.
Create a zero based budget: List out all your monthly expenses & zero out all money
Then:
Step 1- Set up an emergency fund (at least $1000.00)
Step 2- Put all extra money towards paying off debt (including cars, credit cards)
Step 3- Save 3-6 months of expenses in bank

I was intimidated at first! But the whole point of step 1 is so if anything comes up unexpectedly you don't have to stop paying down your debt, you just take it from your emergency fund and you continue paying down your debt as planned.
As you are paying down your debt you start with the smallest debt to the biggest debt. Pay off the smallest one first, then apply that money to the next debt in line. Soon you will be making large payments in your biggest debt, therefore, you are well on your way to being DEBT-FREE!!!!

P.S. We are still on Step 1....this is a process people!!!!!!

Living the dream!

2009-11-01T15:43:00.003-08:00

No, we are NOT pregnant...this is Halloween!!!! I was literally "living my dream" and T was a construction worker! We went to the Harvest Festival at our church. We had such an amazing weekend!(not just because I got to "pretend" I was pregnant)

God is so good and so faithful!! He knows EXACTLY what and who we need in our lives. When I look back on this past year, I can see the Lord guiding T and I in our every step. He lead us to our church family where we have just been loved on and blessed in so many ways! The friendships we have made, and continue to make, remind us of Gods love. Our marriage group and the Youth leadership team have been placed specifically in our lives for such a time as this!

An awesome couple has been put in our lives that have struggled with infertility and have gone thru EXACTLY what we are currently going thru. God is so good!!

Dwayne and Deneva lead the marriage group, and their friendship has been so comforting and so encouraging to us. God is so good!!

Nate and Elise have been a source of refreshment. Nate and T have a lot in common and Elise is so easy to talk to(plus she cut my hair and I love it!!) God is so good!!

Ecclesiastes 4:10 If one falls down, a friend can help him up.

We are so thankful that we are surrounded by those that love the Lord, and love us!!
This past year has been so "full" for us! Full of friends, love and challenges, but God is so good and faithful!

My professional Worrier!!

2009-10-29T11:09:00.000-07:00
After a long hiatus...I'M BACK!!
I just wanted to share with you a little of what has been on my heart as of late.

As T and I are going thru infertility testing/treatment I have found that my anxiety level has been extremely high. All the "what ifs" have been taking over my thought life, and I have found it hard to trust in the Lord and His perfect plan for me.

Gods timing is perfect. A few Sundays ago the Pastor talked on "The Antidote to Anxiety". I felt the Lord speaking to me very clearly...here is what He said:

Worry or anxiety is an attempt to control the uncontrollable: and as some of you know I like to be in control! This really hit home in my heart. I felt like I truly needed to just lay all my burdens down, and leave them. Leave them at the foot of the cross, let Jesus be my professional worrier:)

God is my Source:
When I feel like I don't know: He is my source of Wisdom (Ps. 36:9)
When I have no energy: He is my source of Strength (Isa. 48:5)
When I am depressed: He is my source of Happiness (Ps. 43:4)
When I feel hopeless: He is my source of Hope (Rom. 15:13)
When I feel stressed: He is my source of Peace (Rom. 15:33)
When I feel irritated: He is my source of Patience (Hosea 15:5)
When I feel overwhelmed: He is my source of Salvation (Heb. 5:9)
When I want to give up: He is my source of Encouragement (Rom. 15:5)

I just LOVE the fact that whenever I "feel" a certain way, I can look back on this list and be encouraged that He is my source. My Strength, Happiness, Hope, Peace, Patience,Salvation and encouragement ALL comes from HIM!!!!!

God is my professional worrier...is He yours??

Jr. High Kidnapping!!

2009-08-08T17:44:00.001-07:00
At the crack of dawn on Saturday morning,(6...but hey, its a Saturday) Jason (the Youth pastor)..had this cool idea to "kidnap" some unsuspecting junior highers that were soundly asleep in their beds...(insert creepy laughing sound)So, Of course we were totally in!!!

First we pick up Natalie!

Then Renee & Rebekah

Followed by Vincent...

Then Janelle

and Justin...

and Sara

On to get Isaac...no picture...
Then, on to Dennys for breakfast!!!

The BEST part, for me, was seeing where all the kids live and getting a peek into their world. I have to admit it was pretty cool seeing them all "messed up and tired" looking to, but in all fairness I specifically didn't wear makeup...just to fit in with them! (I won't mention the fact that I didn't wash off my makeup from the night before, so in truth I had a little on my eyes)

So, here is my breakdown of the morning:
Janelle: not a morning person, does not like surprises...
Renee: orders her food by pointing at it on the menu:)
Rebekah: Doesn't like scary movies
Natalie: her house smells like Thanksgiving and Christmas...sooo yummy
Sara: is very cultured in her food palate
Justin: is into computers
Isaac: likes to always look his best
Vincent: likes to listen to Kutless and Reliant K
Junior Highers: Love em, love their energy, love their eagerness to let you know them!
Myself: At least 3 cups of coffee before I "lighten" up in the am...
Trav: The most consistent man you will EVER meet
Jason: likes Tai food, has a HUGE heart for the youth
Krista: isn't a morning person either, gives her all at everything she does:)
Jessica: luvs her brother and has such a sweet relationship with him...reminds me of my brother and I

What an amazing way to start our day!!!

About my Father

2009-08-08T16:07:00.000-07:00
Luke 2:48-50
Mary, understandably hurt that Jesus had chosen to hang back in Jerusalem and leave them to worry about His safety, asked Him (Jesus) a question vs. 48 "Son, why have you treated us like this" His response, "Didn't you know I had to be in my Fathers house?"
The words "had to" some from the Greek word dei, meaning something that is "inevitable in the nature of things"...Father and Son had the same nature, Jesus was drawn to God, not as a believer, but as an overpowering magnet---two pieces of the same whole.

Have you ever just watched a father and son (or daughter) together? The way they walk, talk, or their mannerisms? They have so many of the same qualities. Even the slightest way they hold their head when they speak, or the way they look when they are concentrating...The same nature, the same heart, the same passions. This happens naturally when you spend so much time with someone.

I desire to have the same nature, same heart, same passion as my God.
Am i drawn to God, am I pulled in His direction with magnetism, do I yearn/desire to "be about my Father"? Will I leave all others and seek Him out, just to sit at His feet and listen?
Answer: Yes and No...

My hearts desire is to be about God. Not about my own agenda, not about ministry, not about ME....BUT
My flesh desires to always be first, be the cutest, have the best...and always be win. (I'm very competitive)

As a Christian (by my definition) I am a walking "conflict". Always wanting to do one thing and knowing you should do another.
There is a daily decision for me to parallel my life to the Lords,to love as He loved, to give as He gave, to sacrifice as He sacrificed, to forgive as He forgave , to embrace as He embraced

Today, I am just burdened with the realization that my flesh is sometimes stronger than my heart, and it saddens me that I fail. Newsflash: I AM NOT PERFECT!! Nor do I want to be, with perfection there is no learning and the day I stop learning about the Lord is the day I become ALL about ME...

So I will continue my journey...Being about my Father...
Love as He
Give as He
Sacrifice as HE
Forgive as He
Embrace as He
My hearts desire is to be about God, not my own agenda, not about ME.

Sweet treats and Smiles!

2009-07-15T11:51:00.000-07:00
We are currently preparing to go meet with a new Doctor, one that will hopefully assist us in starting our family. We are a little apprehensive about the appointment...unsure if I will get all my questions answered, concerned about the outcomes of all the test..just plain worried.

Last night T and I were educating ourselves (by reading Fertility for dummies..courtesy my mom) and we were so encouraged! We were encouraged by a nice easy list of "must ask" questions and some simple tips for enhancing our appointment experience. I wanted to share a few of the tips, they can apply to any Doctors appointment:

1. Make the receptionist/front desk person your friend. Call them by their name
and always smile! Unfortunately the front desk staff has a big impact on your personal experience, they are your avenue to the Doctor...So treat them as so!!
2. Bring little "sweet treats"!! No office will turn away a little snack!
3. Always say "thank you" when you are taken back to the exam room, and when you are leaving the office...Leave a good impression EVERY time:)

We feel a little bit more prepared, with our list of questions in tack...our insurance referrals updated, and of course our smiles ready to go!!
Our appointment is the Monday the 20th, so please keep us in your prayers!!
We will keep you posted!

2009-07-13T18:14:00.000-07:00

Over the 4th of July, we went to Chandler, Arizona to visit T's grandpa!! We meet up with T's parents and brother and just hung out together! It was soo hot, way to hot for me...over 100 EVERY day, but had a really great time together.

One day we went to a "show" at the Casino, and then we went to Jakes, a huge buffet and arcade! We all played like kids, and took turns on the Dance Revolution! Turns out T's dad has the best rhythm of all of us!

We spent a lot of time in the pool, played a lot of cards, and watched a real lightening show one night!

Thank you so much to grandpa & Carolyn for letting us crash your place:)

10 Things You should know about ...ME!

2009-07-08T13:48:00.000-07:00
1. I LOVE my eye color!!
2. I can only fall asleep at night if I am wearing earplugs
3. I married my best friend!
4. I LOVE ketchup, but HATE tomatoes
5. I am afraid of heights
6. My 3rd toe on my left foot is longer than all the rest of my toes
7. I've never been stung by a bee
8. I count my deodorant strokes every morning, and put an even amount on each side
9. I have flown in an airplane one time...to Phoenix
10. My middle name is JOY!!!

Grad Party & Bonfires!!!

2009-06-29T19:39:00.001-07:00

On Friday night we hosted Alicia and Sergio's graduation party!! The star of the night was definitely "Rockband"...I've never seen T rock it out on the guitar, or Alicia on the drums and Rachel on the Mic!!

We had amazing food!! Thank you to Balt for cooking for 40 people, it was worth the wait!

Then on Saturday it was over to Doheny Beach for Trent's B-Day celebration!! It was a beautiful day, perfect for volleyball!! Our team won 3 out of 3!! Woo Hoo go team Covey!

Happy Birthday Trent, we are so proud of you! You are so talented and what is so amazing is that you use your talent to serve the Lord! You have so many opportunities available to you, yet you have the wisdom and the patience to wait on the Lord and seek what He wants you to do. We are so excited for what the future holds for you and encourage you to always seek Him first!!
We love you! Your passion for life is contagious!!

Go Angels!!!

2009-06-23T21:26:00.000-07:00
T got us 2 tickets to the Angel game on Monday night in the dugout suite!!
It was my first time going (to the suite) but T had been before and just couldn't pass up the opportunity!!!

I felt like such a celebrity walking into the suite...you literally walk into a huge "lounge" area...where the nice woman puts a invisible stamp on you, seen only by the "secret black light" :) It's so James Bondish...(maybe not)

So while T watched the game anticipating the Angels' every move, Mindy and I had fun people watching, eating and keeping our eyes out for random flying balls:) I really love the atmosphere, I love to see the families together, the dads explaining to their sons the score, or why the players wear that funny covering on their legs when they are batting, or why the players put certain weights on their warm-up bats..(which I actually found out...are their actual bats)and of course I had to have a hot dog and I usually get the huge ice cream cookie...but apparently that's a poor man snack because they didn't offer that in our first class seats:)

So a HUGE thank you to West Coast Firestop, and of course to my girl Mindy for giving me an unforgettable night, and tons of laughs!! Mindy, we totally have to hang out again, you make me laugh so much!! Thanks for making the night "fly" by!

All that was missing, was the Angels actually winning!! There is always next time!
Go Angels!! Woo Hoo

Congrats to Alicia!!!!

2009-06-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

My niece, Alicia, graduated from Kennedy High School this week!! We are so proud of her and who she is becoming...
She is a joy to be around and has the heart of a servant! She is honest to the point that it's funny...she once gave me the very purse she was wearing because mine "looked like it was gonna break and I won't be seen with you wearing that one" hahaha, she is such a giver!!

She is going to college and is will be pursuing a career in nursing...she will be perfect for that: she doesn't mind all that blood, and she has a caring heart!

We love you Alicia!! We are so proud of you!
P.S. thanks for dessert last night

Day 15, Revealing Your Heart

2009-06-15T11:19:00.000-07:00
If I truly had 30 days left (to live) I would become an excellent communicator! I would feel such a strong need/desire to express my love, forgiveness and gratitude to the key people in my life. The book suggests that before you can communicate with your mouth, your heart must lead the way, before you open your mouth to speak, you must first open your heart.

Jesus is the best example of speaking with ones heart, in that He communicated with us by leaving His home in heaven, coming to this earth, and putting on human flesh so He could reveal His heart to us. He opened up His heart and made Himself totally vulnerable. He risked rejection and was, in fact, misunderstood by many.
He did this for one reason- so we could see what God is like.

Until I open up my heart to those I love, I will never experience a communication breakthrough. Before the words flow, my heart must be exposed. We have to risk vulnerability to the point of possible rejection.

One way I can do this is to share my time. My time can sometimes be my most precious commodity. My time is valuable, and I don't like to waste it. It costs time to communicate effectively. Am I willing to pay that price??

The books lays out some "cost" to opening up your heart.
1. Share our time
2. Share our troubles, admit my needs
3. Share your true thoughts (in love)

So, many of you know the huge risk doing any of this involves for me. My biggest fear is rejection...But as I stated before I need to take risks to get any reward, no risk=no reward...Big risk=Big Reward... I'm preparing my heart to sit down and share with someone specific. It's a conversation that has been accumulating in my head for years now, and its a little unfair to the person, that they have no idea of my true feelings or my love for them...also the walls I have built around my heart have protected me but at the same time hidden me from all, whether good or bad...
I am ready to start tearing down that wall, and opening up my heart. I do know that not all risks end with a big reward, but I'm praying that this risk will be so worth it in the long run..

Is there a relational risk any of you need to take??? I would love to pray for you, please let me know, and please pray for me too!

Living Full Throttle!!

2009-06-09T16:35:00.000-07:00
I'm on day 8 of my 30 day challenge. Today I am contemplating the "motorcross track" of life, the bumps, turns, curves and the crashes. We will crash/fail in life, its just a matter of when. But there is hope!!!!

The greatest power we need in our lives is the power to begin again(after a "crash") God is the God of second chances, and He wants to give us the power to begin again. It's not just the power for a fresh start; it's also the power to get back on the track and go faster than ever before!

The chapter focuses on 3 lessons that emerge from Peters crash site. Peter completely wiped out, he denied even knowing Jesus..not one time, but three times...I can't even imagine the way he felt. Yet God gave him the power to begin again....
Yay for second chances!!

I just want to share with you three things are so true & relevant to my life right now:
1. Because of Gods love for me, Failure is NEVER final or FATAL
2. Because of Gods grace, I can release my guilt and move forward
3. Because of who God is, I can surrender to God's strength

All I can end with is PRAISE GOD FOR SECOND CHANCES!!!

One Month To Live

2009-06-08T08:59:00.001-07:00
In our small group at church we are reading through the book "One Month To Live" by Kerry & Chris Shook. The concept is clear: you have one month to live...how do you choose to live the next 30 days; living a no-regrets life.

For me, the book has been a great reminder/kick in the butt of what it means to live with purpose and to live intentionally. It's about taking risk, living out loud and living within your God given purpose!
I've taken a very honest look at my heart and how I've been living...I've been living a safe, risk free, pretty "low key" existence.

The last chapter I read was called "Dreamsicle, thawing out your frozen dreams"
This was a tough chapter for me, because I am not much of a dreamer. I am known as a realists, or a dream smasher...
Somewhere along the line, I stopped dreaming because I felt it was useless. My solution: if you don't dream then you can't be let down..no expectations, no disappointment. What a sad way to look at things, but honestly this is how I was "embracing" life.
No risk= no pain.

The challenge at the end of the chapter is to create a "dream box". So I'm going to try to put one together, also the next question if "what would you attempt for God if you knew you couldn't fail?" Well, that not a fair question at all...

This post is riddled with the disappointment that yet another month has gone by and again we are not pregnant. This is, by far, my biggest dream. Each month I experience a new level of depression, so for me to write down all my "dreams" is to open a wound that has never healed.

This next month, as I learn to live more intentionally, I would like to invite you to follow my journey. Follow me as I experience disappointment with new understanding and look at my past as just MY PAST...
I have a feeling the next month is going to be HARD BUT AMAZING for me. My heart is open and ready to allow the Lord to heal and sculpt me!!

Todays reading is "Kick start, living life full throttle" Charlies Angels, you've got nothing on me:)

Wet weather and smeeses!!

2009-06-07T14:24:00.000-07:00

We went camping at O'Neill park over the weekend!! The weather was a little damp and cold...but we made the best of it!!! You would all be so proud of me for sticking it out. (even in the rain) Although we did have our 18 inch queen mattress, and our 2 canopies to cover us...but still I felt we were totally "roughing it", we still had to walk a little to use the bathroom.

So, SMEESES are the new "smore"...it's like a little bit of heaven stuck between two pieces of graham cracker...mmmmmm(you just replace the chocolate, with a Reeses) After about 4 of those, we called it a night...then the next day everyone (but me) took a 3 mile hike..I didn't go because the damp air and cold was horrible for my asthma., I didn't want to chance having an attack.

What I learned:
1. I don't like camping in the rain, too much wetness...not fun
2. Don't leave your shoes out overnight (in the rain)
3. My husband doesn't mind dancing in front of other people!! Laughing is good for soul!!

Out of hiding!!!

2009-06-03T08:54:00.000-07:00
Wow, have we been busy....camping, eating, joining churches, hanging out, eating, getting ready for Alicia to graduate, eating...(you get the idea)
No more are our nights filled with just each other and our couch, gone are the days of solitude with our TV! Hello to a more FULL life & a more ENGAGED life!!

We have joined a small group, which we LOVE! My husband was soooooooo excited to be jumping in with both feet at our new church. We have always been so "relationally cautious". So careful before we open up and get to know people...WHY????
What were we waiting for?? NO IDEA!!!!

Tonight, at church, we are checking out the Youth group. We have always had a passion for junior high, but I felt that somehow God was done using me. So NOT true, and such a lie...
I truly have so much more to share, but will do at another time:)

Cheers to living a more ENGAGED life, and to new experiences...

It's the "small" things...

2009-04-27T20:09:00.000-07:00
Last Sunday, at church, the Pastor focused on the "small" things in life. The small things that REALLY get to us, the small things that can RUIN our day. He also said it was the "small" things that really revealed our true character...ugh oh...

I truly felt like this one was for me, I get so focused on the little things, and totally let them get me down, but I never realized that all the little things that I let affect me are also having an affect on my Testimony.
Daily I need to protect my testimony. To be more aware of how I am presenting myself as a Christ follower...because people are always watching...

So, I thought I would pass along some tips on how to protect your testimony:

#1. Nothing is too small for prayer..(for me this was traffic, dogs & food)
Pray for the "small" things, pray about ALL things
#2. Expect disappointment (but be ready for it) prepare your heart to be flexible
#3. Daily consider Gods care (for you) make daily time for Him in order to be sustained though out the day
#4. Don't let your anger get the best of you
#5. Remember the BIG things God has done (praise Him for His faithfulness to you)

So this week I am committing to Protecting my Testimony; specifically in the small things...
I'll keep you posted on my progress!
Small things really reveal true character, may my true character be like HIS character.

My husband is "better" than yours:)

2009-04-15T11:36:00.000-07:00
I have been so blessed with such an amazing husband!!!
T is so loving, caring and so quick to forgive me..he truly shows me what Gods love is like with skin on. He accepts me just as I am, and treats me with such tenderness...

We have been carpooling to work on Tues and Thurs...I have the farthest to go (30 miles) and his work is right on the way...so we used to drop him off first then I would go ahead to work and pick him up at the end of our day...then home

WELL, his work has changed slightly and he needs a car at his disposal every day.
So, being the kind man he is and knowing how much I HATE to drive in traffic,
he offered to drive me to work, then he will backtrack to his work, and then he can pick ME up after...then home:)
Even this small sacrifice on his part is a testimony of his heart, its a little more driving for him, and we both lose out on some sleep...but he was willing to do that to make me a little less stressed out!
And we all love a little less stressed out Carey:)

T, you are such a gift from the Lord to me. I love your sweet heart for Jesus and others, you make me want to be a better! Thank you for being my support system and my friend..for the endless nights of talks, tears and all the laughter!

Thank you for all the small things that make a HUGE difference in my life:)

To Be Known

2009-04-14T11:02:00.000-07:00
To Be Known...
One of my greatest desires, is to know people and to be truly known by them.
One of my greatest struggles is to get to know people and to let people know me

My most intimate desire, is my biggest fear.
Fear of being rejected, fear of being judged...lots of fears, too many fears...

T and I have moved around a little in the 3 years we have been married,
this has just grown my desire and handicapped it at the same time.
We have been in Long Beach for 2 years now (having moved from Orange County), and have finally found our church home, but have yet to find our “hearts” home with friends...

My heart crys out to be connected, to be encouraged, to be challenged, to be an encourager and to be a challenger. I fear I push some people away due to my fears, but I'm learning to push through the insecurities and allow people in.. I HAVE to!

In my past friendships, I am usually the one that is calling or trying to keep in touch with friends.
But more recently I have discovered that my heart has been hurt. It hurts me that I am usually the one reaching out, it hurts me that my sister and I aren't close, it hurts me that I am usually the one that people “share” with, but rarely asked to share about myself, it hurts me that I feel insignificant.
It hurts me that I don't have the courage to be myself and am always trying to please people...
Ugh, I've been just plain hurt, by people and by myself by not allowing myself to show vulnerability.

I guess I'm sharing this because I feel seriously sorry for myself...I'm down.
This is me venting my heart.....
Through all this I have found that I don't trust people...I have been hurt so much by gossip (in the past) the worst kind, gossip in the church...gossip of things shared in confidence, then turned around and shared as “prayer requests” to others. I don't trust the smiles, until I see them in action.

One of my greatest desires, is to know people and to be truly known by them.
One of my greatest struggles is to get to know people and to let people know me
This is me venting my heart...

2 miles of pictures

2009-03-09T08:39:00.000-07:00
Over the weekend, we took a 2 mile walk around Long Beach with our camera in tote! Below are some of our favorite pics!

Ducks Game!

2009-03-09T08:18:00.000-07:00

I surprised T with Ducks hockey tickets on Friday!! (special thanks to my boss)
Hockey is T's favorite sport to watch...I have to admit, being there is much more exciting than watching on T.V. The pace of the game somehow seems slower in person, but the sounds are AMAZING!! My favorite being the sound of the players running into the side of the walls!!!

Three Things I learned about Hockey:
1. They are allowed to fight, at least until one of the players falls to the ice. I couldn't believe this, the refs stood there and watched the fight for at least 3 minutes...
2. T is one of those "loud" fans that shout coaching tips at the team! Yay..
3. Hockey players are really "rough" looking...baseball players are much cuter:)

...and they lost by one...

My Call to Prayer...

2009-03-04T09:36:00.000-08:00
I am currently reading "A Woman's Call to Prayer", by Elizabeth George. I have struggled with really, truly immersing myself in a healthy prayer life. I pray often, but just not with purpose. I have felt under attack so far this year, and the only way I know how to combat the enemy is to get on my knees.

So last night as I was reading, she challenges me to stop reading and get on my knees and pray. Well, I'm clearly not good at following directions because I read on and came across something that captures what prayer is to me.

Prayer is so simple;
It is like quietly opening a door
and slip into the very presence of God,
There is the stillness to listen to His voice;
Perhaps to petition, or only to listen:
It matters not.
Just to be there in His presence Is Prayer.

As I read this I so wanted to find that quiet place and "open the door, and just slip into His presence". This filled my heart with peace and the desire to "just be" with the Lord, and soak up His presence.

I just wanted to share with you where my heart is today, and I pray that you find time as well to slip into the very presence of God...He is waiting for you!!

Mother, Daughter Getaway!

2009-02-16T08:20:00.000-08:00

Just us girls went to San Diego for the weekend! Mom had this wonderful idea to do a "girls only" weekend with her friend Margie and Margie's daughter Kristi. We have all known each other for about 30 years, so we are like family!

We stayed right by "Old Town". After we checked in, we were all starving so we walked to an amazing Mexican restaurant that makes their own tortillas!! Yummy! Then back to the room for a game night!! Margie brought this game Faces, which was fun and we all laughed so much our tummy's hurt.
Saturday was filled with shopping, massages, reading, coffee and finished with a mud mask from the Dead Sea (thank you Rebecca)!!

I did learn a little more about my family: My sister is a night owl, frequents the Internet at 2:00 am...My mom looks funny covered in mud, and only wears "white"..and I showed off my sleep talking to my family:)
Thank you so much mom for giving us these precious memories and allowing us to just be "us".

Christmas Drama!!

2009-01-14T20:24:00.001-08:00

I've had an amazing 2009 so far!! But oh, so busy...
Before I go into 2009, I want to close out 08 in total "Carey" style!

Christmas Eve was so GREAT!! The food was good, thanks to Alicia helping in the kitchen, family was mostly there, emotions were high (mine anyway) and everyone had a fun time just being together. It was pretty different without my brother and his family, but I only cried like 3 times:)
But the biggest blessing of Christmas was our traditional family celebration of our Savior Jesus Christ. The traditions have changed over the years, but the reason that we celebrate is always the same...Jesus!!

Moving right along to Christmas Day!!!

Step One: Invite the in laws over & try to impress them with my gourmet cooking
Step Two: prep in the morning to avoid ANY un-needed stress later in the day
Step Three: Bake Pie..STONEWARE CRACKS IN HALF MIDWAY THROUGH BAKING
Step Four: Cook Ham...GLASSWARE SHATTERS DURING FIRST 30 MINUTES OF COOKING
Step Five: FREAK OUT!!!!! MY OVEN IS BROKEN ON CHRISTMAS DAY, OUR COMPANY IS COMING OVER IN 2 HOURS....FREAK OUT!!

We ended up cooking all the food at my moms house and rushing back to our house just in time to greet our family & eat...
Totally stressful, not impressive at all, but we were all together and it makes a GREAT story, and NOW I can laugh about it!

After all the "drama" I was truthfully just happy to be around all my family!! We are growing and changing in so many ways, I look forward to seeing how the Lord works in my heart and the hearts of my family in the coming year!! Yay 2009!

Stole this from another blog....but I like it!!

2008-12-16T09:30:00.000-08:00
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping!! But T LOVES to wrap all the gifts, it relaxes him:)

2. Real tree or artificial? We considered getting an artificial one this year, but we caved and bought a real one, you just can't manufacture that winter pine smell!

3. When do you take it down? Day after Christmas..I know it's early but I get sorta tired of all the extra "clutter"

4. Do you like eggnog? Totally!!!! But I never buy it because no one else in my family (except my mother in law) actually drink it..

5. Favorite gift received as a child? My day bed, when I was about 15!! Loved that thing:)

6. Do you like to know what you are getting or be surprised? I don't mind knowing...however T really likes to be surprised, and to surprise me!!

7. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, baby!! Part of the fun is actually taking the pictures!!!

8. Favorite Christmas movie? All of them....I practically have the whole Hallmark channel recording..

9. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Anything!!! But I really look forward to the "harvest potatoes" Mmmmmmmm

10. Lights on the tree? Of course!!! We have all white lights, but my parents have multi colored...kinda liking the multi!!

11. Favorite Christmas song? Breath of Heaven

12. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Sure, if you call driving an hour traveling!

13. Angel or star on top of the Christmas tree? Angel!

14. Favorite ornament theme or color? Our tree is a theme tree of snowmen!!
The colors are white and red!! Too cute

15. What do you want for Christmas this year? Wishing for a necklace to hold a special pendant that I got from my grandma Betty...

Lacking...

2008-12-15T08:17:00.001-08:00
I've been told that my blog has been lacking in content lately. I have to agree, but somehow I just can't put into words what has been going on in my heart. Being that I've been "hiding" in my cave, there has been much quiet time for me to search, ponder,weigh and transform the current state of my heart.

Last week was a very hard week at work. I was so drained emotionally, and spiritually that I couldn't stop my eyes from leaking sporadically all weekend.
Since I can't, as of yet, clearly define all that is ME...I will leave you with some of the questions I am attempting to answer:

1. I find it rather easy to extend grace and compassion to others yet struggle with receiving it for myself, BUT how do I learn to receive?
2. How do i lose the pain of the past?
3. Where is my "safe place" to heal my wounds, where I can recuperate and regain my emotional and spiritual strength?
4. How long will this season of my heart last??

The book I am currently reading is Break Through by Marsha Crockett...
I will close with an insert from the book that grasps where I am this morning:

This is God's tender response to my disbelieving heart: He has marked me as his own and given me hos own name. So, I claim this blessing on difficult days when anger growls deep within. I wrap his name~now my name!- around my ache. My name is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love.
I sit with this blessing until I believe and become this name.

Decor Party at Mom's

2008-12-07T20:19:00.000-08:00
Every year we all get together and decorate my mom and dads house for Christmas!!
On Friday we all meet for moms famous chili, Alicia's cornbread, and of course Tree Decorating!!

T and I always provide the game for the night, this year we chose the "wrapping" game. The way you play is, you wrap a gift (ours was $40!!) about 7 times, each time harder than before...you can use duct tape, bags, whatever you can to make it really hard to unwrap...the harder, the better!!
So the game is, everyone sits in a circle and rolls a dice..if you roll on a 6, you put on 3 items of clothes (scarfs, hats, etc) that are in the middle of the circle and after you have the items on, you may start to unwrap the gift...but as you are putting on the clothes and unwrapping the dice is still circulating and if someone else rolls a 6, you have to stop and hand everything over to them. It gets pretty intense, and it is hilarious!! Christian won the money but just barely...my mom almost had it unwrapped, but at the last minute Christian rolled a 6!!!!!!

Thanksgiving Day

2008-12-07T19:59:00.000-08:00
I had an amazing Thanksgiving!!!!
It all started early that morning with me falling out of bed and spraining my wrist, followed closely by a panic call from my mom about a turkey and a migraine...
She felt a migraine coming on, and there was no one to do the turkey.
Needless to say the day went on, with mom in bed and T, me, Alicia, Rachel and Christian left in the kitchen to make sure that all the food got on the table at the same time. I honestly have to thank God for my mom being out of commission that day, because the hustling, working, and just bonding that was going on in the kitchen with me and my nieces and nephew wouldn't have happened otherwise. It was chaotic and so fun!!! We made the turkey, ham and all the sides to go along with it..MADNESS I say...but oh so fun. My niece Rachel even said she wanted to be a housewife now, because she had so much fun!!

Yay for migraines!! (just kidding mom:)

So the delicious food was followed by a night of games, laughter and new memories!!
Dave, Jenna and family were truly missed...
It was really one of the most memorable Thanksgivings ever for me...
This is one of my most favorite holidays, I love all the family time, and no matter much I don't understand my niece and nephews music, clothes, friends or whatever..We bonded over cheese like no one's business!!!

I'm no Martha Stewart...

2008-11-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, we hosted an annual Thanksgiving "name card" decorating party!
Every year I become a Martha Stewart wannabe, and attempt to design my very own, unique, homemade, creative name cards for the Thanksgiving meal table.
This year the plan was to take the mini pumpkins, paint them and attach a leave with each name written on it...One small problem...WHO KNEW!!! that the mini pumpkins would be rotten after only 2 weeks...UGH

So on Friday afternoon at 2:30 (party starts at 5) I have to revise my whole idea, and go with "flow" Totally not my style, I'm a planner!
So I enlisted the help of Alicia (my niece), and with her help we found a compromise that actually worked out better (smelled better too) We used cardboard ornaments, and painted them just as if they were pumpkins, a few drops of hot glue (let it completely dry before placing on the plate) to keep it stable on the plate, and we are on our way to a beautiful table setting!!

I'm really happy with the final product!! The good thing is, we can use these for the Christmas table as well!!
What do you think of them??

I don't know him at all..

2008-11-13T16:06:00.001-08:00
Last night as T was folding laundry, it occurred to me that I must not know him at all...he was sharing with me some pet peeves that I was totally unaware of:

One of them being something I do often, therefore annoying him without the pleasure of knowing I was doing it!

It all started two nights ago...while I was at a pampered chef party, which by the way; no pampering involved what so ever, T was at home watching a movie. I assumed that he was doing the dishes, laundry, you know the stuff I would normally do but couldn't due to the fact that I was getting pampered...but not really.
Ok, so we have this long conversation about both of us helping around the house and one of us is being consistent (me) and one of us isn't(him), and what to do to change that...long story short, last night he stepped it up and took care of laundry and did the dishes!!

Turns out as he is doing the laundry, he was so annoyed with me (his peeve) because I have a habit of folding the clothes and putting them back into the basket. This, my friends, apparently needs to stop right now!
The other thing that needs to stop is the way I don't rinse off my knife after making a sandwich...I've been told that this is extremely gross..ewwwww

2 things I didn't know about T:
He gets irritated by mustard on a knife
Folded clothes in a basket drive him crazy

My AMAZING man, I didn't know you at all:)
Love you sweetie

Season of transitions

2008-11-13T14:18:00.000-08:00
As this holiday season quickly approaches, I am reminded yet again of all the transition's that our family's endured this year.
This year has been our first without our beloved Grandma Betty...if you knew our family at all, you've probably crossed paths with her...and most likely she poured her love and laughter all over you.
This year has been our first without my brother David and his family attending all our family functions...they moved to Oregon.
This year has been the first year that my mom and dad have been partially retired.

As we head into Thanksgiving, I am reminded of how much I have to be thankful for.
Even though my grandma passed last year, I had 30 years with her!! 30 AMAZING years!! To soak up her attitude, her love, her cooking, her laughter, and for 30 years I was her special "Carey Joy".
Even though David and his family are in Oregon, I had and will have so many more memories with them...this isn't the end, but merely a bend in the road. I am thankful for the phone conversations I've had with David, that have gone deeper that our usual chit chat at birthday parties, I see our relationship changing...in a good way!!!
My parents are spending less time scheduling and working, more time focusing on their health, their friendships and their grand kids!!! They have an AMAZING opportunity, especially now, to carry on the love of grandma Betty. To extend that same grace, unconditional love, and acceptance that we were all shown by her.

My prayer for this season, is that my family embrace the transitions, grow with the changes, and learn more about each other. We are all a little older now, all a little more stressed out, we all miss David, Jenna, Caleb, Grace and Luke, and we all miss grandma Betty.
I pray we don't miss out on what the Lord will do in our lives this holiday season. Through this year, yes many things have changed. BUT one thing remains constant:

God's love for us is unchanging,
God's hand has never been removed from our family,
He is in control!!!!!!

Puppies!!

2008-11-03T07:40:00.000-08:00

My sister's dog had puppies!
They are so cute, she still has 2 boys for sale, these are the cutest puppies I have ever seen...they are toy Chihuahuas...they don't' even weigh 1 pound yet
If you want one, of know someone that does, please let me know!

So glad I shaved yesterday!!

2008-10-31T07:17:00.000-07:00
For my birthday yesterday, T took me to Lucille's BBQ for dinner (thank you mom and dad)...But all night he had a little smirk on his face, so I knew he had something up his sleeve..

So when we get home, I notice that there are candles lite inside...my first thought is "oh no, I didn't take the trash out, or clean the bathroom, and there is people in my home" BUT, when he opened the front door there was a massage table set up, candles all over, soft music playing and my own personal massage therapist!!!!!
BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER!!
I was so surprised!! What a blessing to have a husband that would sacrifice my birthday evening with him, to let me relax and be massaged...

So after my 90 minute, full body massage...I was so relaxed, so in love and so grateful that I shaved my legs that morning:)

Then Amen..

2008-10-29T16:15:00.000-07:00
A dear friend of mine just found out that she may have cancer...
Her response to this life changing news was:

"If this is what God has for me, then Amen
If this is His will, then Amen
My life is in His hands, I am NOT the boss
He is!!!!"

This just blew me away, just the complete turning over of her will, and her trust in the Lord was such a cool example to me.
No, we are not in control, Yes GOD is!!!!!!

7 Reasons to smile today!!:)

2008-10-28T10:52:00.000-07:00
I smile today because:

1. I had an amazing weekend, 2 parties to celebrate my birthday...and I didn't have to plan either one of them!!
2. Free lunch today with the office!
3. I have a wonderfully thoughtful, sensitive, generous husband!
4. Somewhere, the leaves are changing colors for fall!!
5. My friend is wearing Halloween socks, pulled all the way up, with capri pants on... the funny part..She is 60 years old!!! Yay Dottie
6. I fell on my face this morning on my way to the bathroom!
7. I am free, forgiven, and fabulous!!!

What are some reasons for YOU to smile today???

Thank you girls!!!!

2008-10-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

If not for these girls around me, I would have never gotten through the weekend. You know those people that you can be emotionally and spiritually "naked" with? Well, these are my "naked" friends!
Thank you so much Becky and Kristi for walking, praying, and holding me through the weekend. Thank you for allowing me to just be me, for listening to me and offering counsel and prayer...
We all need an army around us when we are at war, and they are my army!!!
Its so amazing to have friends like you guys, just knowing that even in my "darkest" time, I am so loved...

I am at War...

2008-10-13T09:47:00.001-07:00
I am at war like never before: at war for my thoughts, my spirit, my mind, my husband, my God.
This realization has me on my knees...
At the women's retreat there was a war for my attention going on, not only was it affecting my ears, but my body as well...I wasn't feeling well, but strangely enough it would happen right as the speaker would start..
I would either choose to leave the room or sit there uncomfortably, shifting in my seat and distracting those around me...(basically a "tool" of the enemy)

It was not until the ride home that I was even aware of the attack, I knew I was struggling, but against what, I wasn't sure...you know how us girls can be, we check our emotions before we check our spirit. (I do anyway)

This past week felt like a battle zone in my spirit: I wanted to focus on the Lord, but my emotions were out of control...and I was giving into my emotions as if I had not a choice...
I am at War and I HAVE a Choice: I choose to FIGHT!!!
I am asking you, will you fight with me, there is so much going on every day around us that WE NEED to be ready, WE NEED to be strong, WE NEED to be on our knees

Today, I give back my mind, heart, spirit, body, soul and once again lay it before the Cross: It is not mine to control, but it isn't the enemies either..
I am ready for the battle; are you??
Ephesians 6:10-20 (The Message)

A Fight to the Finish
10-12And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.
13-18Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

I am ready for the battle; Are you?

The Re-Creation of Carey...

2008-10-02T14:07:00.000-07:00
Every woman I know has been through this..
I'm getting ready to go to a woman's retreat...
So, of course, I'm getting together 3 (or more) of my "best" outfits, you know the ones that you spread out over a month of Sundays at church, the ones that make you feel stylish, the most spiritual, as well as comfortable...the ones that stand out from other women because your style is so "unique"...

Yep, that's where I'm at..if you are a woman reading this, you know exactly what I mean...all the years past I've been able to go blow $100 or so on whatever I wanted to wear, and just sport my new outfits all weekend...basically "re-create" myself (using my clothes)
This year we are on a strict budget, and it doesn't allow for spontaneous re-creation or retreat shopping.

No re-creation this year, just plain old me..just Carey!! I need to learn to be exactly who the Lord fashioned me to be. Coincidentally the verse we are focusing on is:
Psalm 119-73
Your hands have made me and fashioned me"
Give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments.

My prayer for this weekend is that I gain understanding in who I am in Christ, and continue to understand what it means to be "fashioned" by God.
That I would NEVER again wish to re-create myself...(at least on the outside)

Birthdays!

2008-09-29T19:40:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend we celebrated my niece and nephew's birthdays!!
Rachel is 16, Christian 14..they grow up so fast..
Next month Alicia will be 17, I can't believe how much they have all changed in the last 2 years. (she is in the third picture)
The last one is of me and my sister Michelle!!
We ate pizza, played bunco and guesstures and called it a day!!
Happy Birthday Rachel and Christian, we love you both so much!!!

2008-09-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

I took this picture of a very random flower we had growing in our backyard...
But today, this picture is me.
I feel complete peace, a little exposed, yet if you look closely at me you will notice a sadness, a slight dark corner of my heart
All the while, I smile at the world, content to not let anyone truly see me. Not now, not today...

I sell confidence...

2008-09-26T13:21:00.000-07:00
I am a stylist by trade...a stylist of the eyeball world. Most days I really love what I do...
I have been in this field for 14 years, today it struck me that I am trusted all day, every day, to be a judge of people.
I judge people for a living then select the best eye wear for their faces, lifestyles, and of course the latest trends. So when I begin with a patient it is my job to discern their likes, dislikes and personal style needs. What often ends up happening is that I "judge" them based on how they look...
I'm not going to debate, right now, whether this is wrong or right..(although I have some thoughts on that for another day)

Based on my assessment of the patient, I begin to show them what I think would suit them best...rarely am I met with resistance (I'm the professional, right??!)Wooooo hoooooooo, such power I hold!!!
Most of us see ourselves so different than others see us. So I see it as a challenge to alter the perception of the patient. I have a very unique opportunity to encourage them to step out of their comfort zone, or maybe try that color they've been wanting to try, but were too afraid. It brings me great joy to help the patient update, alter, or even change their appearance through their eye wear...
What I really love about my job is when a patient will trust me enough to go with the frame that I suggest, and they turn out absolutely LOVING it!!! They walk out way more confident than they came in and, just like a new haircut, feel fresh and new! That makes my job totally worth the 30 mile commute.
So to sum up my job, I judge, encourage, style, sometimes counsel and, of course, "sell" confidence to the average "joe"

So I encourage you (and me) to try something new today, step out of your comfort zone, go talk to that person, or even try to see yourself through others eyes..
You may be pleasantly surprised!!!

My TiVo List!!

2008-09-23T13:40:00.000-07:00
I thought I would reveal a very intimate part of my life to you all!!! Actually I think a TiVo list does reveal a little about a person, so be that as it may...I am prepared to take the criticism for my shallow TV choices, as well as the occasional sneer...
I probably record EVERY reality show there is, and T likes to record the History and National Geographic channel. (yawn) So I thought I would post our TiVo List and would love to hear what you record...

The Fringe (my new favorite show)
Bones
The Office
Top Design
Project Runway
LockUp (especially like the LockUp: Raw)
The Hills (embarrassing, but true)
Weaponology
Next Top Model
Dancing With The Stars
Till Death
How I met your mother
Lost (when its back on)
Greys Anatomy
Privileged

Truth be told, this is my TiVo list, T doesn't really get to record much... BUT the "weaponology" is his!!

Does "time out" work on dogs??

2008-09-21T18:39:00.001-07:00

So here are our wonderful dogs, Kisser and Poopers!! We love them so much, but sometimes they are just too sneaky...Today Poopers (the dog on the right) got into our trash can, tipped it over and started eating some chicken we had thrown away...when I found him he didn't drop it, (i said it just like the dog whisperer) and he continued to disobey me...So i put him in "time out"..Yes just like a toddler...do you think it works on dogs??

I can't hear...

2008-09-19T08:25:00.000-07:00
My mom and I were talking last night about her friend Sally's prayer, prompting us to listen to the soft whispers of the Lord, this lead me to question Am I listening to the "soft whispers" of the Lord??
My honest answer is no, not all time...to be a great listener, I first have to discard my "old" habits:
The first being: I can't listen with my mouth open...(be quiet)
I can't listen while I'm moving...(be still)
I can't listen while I'm focusing on me
I can't listen if I don't care
I can't listen when I'm worried or anxious
What I realized when I was making this list, was that all these things are me being selfish...I am guilty of processing my thoughts while a friend is sharing with me, instead of being present with her and really listening.
I carry that same handicap into my relationship with the Lord..
I listen to what I want, when I want and on my terms.
Not exactly being aware or open to the "soft whispers" of the Lord.
How do I expect to hear the soft voice of the Lord, if my voice is so loud in my heart? Again, I am faced with the question..Who am I living for, Me or the Lord...
When I live for the Lord I become so in tune with His voice, and no matter how "soft" it is, I am lead by Him.

By no means am I suggesting my handicap is healed, however I will re-learn my listening skills, both with the Lord and my friends...and I pray that my spirit remain sensitive to the nudging of the Holy Spirit.

Colossians 3:15-17 (The Message)
Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ-the Message_ have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense, and sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives-words,actions, whatever- be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

Summer Bash!!

2008-09-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

We had our first ever, now annual, Summer Bash!!!
The pictures say it all!! We rented a huge waterslide!!!
Enjoy!

I yawn at the police!!!!

2008-09-04T10:14:00.000-07:00
On the way to work to day, a cop drove by me...I realize that every time a cop drives by me, I begin to yawn...yep thats right, I act completly relaxed and at ease, to distract them from my actual speed..., I guess somewhere in my mind, if I appear to be "bored" that there is no way they will "clock" me...

Because what speeding person is so relaxed that they actually yawn while driving??
My crazy mind, right??
So, it actually works, try it the next a police drives by you!!!

Nature Walk...

2008-09-03T19:25:00.002-07:00

Over the weekend Travis and I went to the El Dorado Nature Walk...we love it there, it almost feels like you are miles away...(almost) We like to just walk and listen to the sounds of the birds...just really relax and connect with the Lord..
I have found,for me, I connect with the Lord in nature...I feel more relaxed, more able to hear His voice, more open to hear His voice, more honest about how I'm feeling and really just more myself.

My spirit is refreshed by being outside!! Thats why I LOVE the mountains so much, plus the fact that my parents took us there every summer!:)
If I could daily get my heart to be still, as if I were in nature, I would have such an easier time hearing the Lord...sometimes I am just to loud or busy to hear Him..
Sometimes I tune Him out...sometimes I ignore Him...

My prayer today is that I hear the Lord, and be still before Him more...

Champions!!!!!

2008-09-03T19:25:00.001-07:00

Travis's softball team won the championship of their division!!!!
Yay for my sweetie!! He is such a good player, and he hit a home run on the last game and they blew the other team away!!!
I have to lift Travis up for his amazing attitude, he gives his all in everything that he does, and continues to keep a positive attitude!!! He has been a wonderful example to me!! He loves the Lord, loves his family, and is so patient with me!!(we all know I need it(

Way to go, sweeties!!! I love you

Feeling "healthy"

2008-08-29T08:26:00.000-07:00
Travis and I decided to make a change in our eating habits!! We both feel it is long overdue and necessary to ease into the next "season" of our lives.
We don't like to say "diet" so we are just changing the way we eat...Better choices, and more knowledge of what is going into our bodies. We now (for the last 6 months) shop at Fresh & Easy..their food has no preservatives and most of it is organic...
I'm am officially a humus addict!!

Maybe its part of my control issues, but it really makes me feel better being able to read the labels and understand exactly what the ingredients are...So with that being said, for the last 2 weeks we have elimated sugar and most processed foods from our meals, drinking only diet soda and water, and trying to at least get 30 minutes of movement in per day.

We both feel a whole lot better!!!! Not sluggish or bloated from eating in excess, but its been a little hard limiting our options of food. I am so proud of us though for really sticking to it, yes I am aware its only been 2 weeks, but for us that is really GREAT!! Yay!!

See dad, I'm not crazy...just sugar deprived....!!!!!

Badmington Re-Match!!!

2008-08-27T09:09:00.000-07:00
The neighbor kids came over last weekend, and we all played badmington in our back yard...Girls vs Boys...
GIRLS WON!!!!! It was so nice to just play a few games, and see the smiles on their faces, as well as ours!!
Marissa and I made up a little dance to go with our victory!!!!!
Travis and Mason have challenged us to a re-match...

A little investment of our time was all it took, and hey, we even had fun doing it!!
Re-match is on for this weekend, I'll let you know how it goes!!:)

Thank you!

2008-08-26T09:26:00.000-07:00
Last week was so hard for me, BUT

Thank you to those of you that prayed for me last week, and called or encouraged me..I'm so thankful for friends that can mourn with me & laugh with me!!
If you read my previous blog, you know that I was hurting....Well, I still hurt however, my spirit is being renewed daily with the hope that God is in control, NOT ME...
This brings me comfort knowing that He has ultimate control, not some test or some pill, or counting method...HE IS IN CONTROL!!!!!
The Lord knows the desires of my heart, and I pray I can continue to leave my desires at His feet, and learn to trust Him with my most intimate thoughts, desires, and struggles...The Lord knows me better than anyone, so I will trust in His perfect timing.

I know in 3 weeks I will have another hard week, but just knowing that others are in this with me and I'm not alone is sometimes just enough to keep going...

Waiting to Exist

2008-08-19T11:18:00.001-07:00
Sometimes I just feel like I'm waiting for my life to take on meaning or to have a bigger purpose...Like I'm waiting to Exist...
Let me explain, most of my friends have kids and seeing them pour into their children day after day looks so rewarding, so selfless, so NOT what I have right now.
My hearts desire is to one day be a mother, and pour my life into another. Every month is so hard for me, when I realize I am indeed still without child...
Each month that passes is another failure in my eyes...This desire I have is from the Lord, yet why can't I get pregnant??

I do understand that the Lord has His perfect timing...but I just feel so down and so ignored. I know that no one has an "answer" for me, and I 'm not looking for one, just an opportunity to vent my feelings, and let you know where my heart is at.

I'm sad, I'm not pregnant, and I just feel plain down...
I'm waiting to Exist

Happy Birthday Bec!!!!

2008-08-15T14:12:00.000-07:00

There will always be certain people in my life...family, my husband, and Becky!!! Bec, you have been such a good friend to me for the last 15 years, you have blessed me in ways beyond comprehension, you have cried, laughed, snorted and peed your pants right along side me... You have snuck into new construction, and hide from the world with me, you have embraced my strengths, my weaknesses and sharpened my spirit.
Our friendship has not been without turbulence, but we have fought for each other and forgave one another, Our friendship is one worth fighting for

Thank you for always being truthful with me, and for not having all the answers, I respect you & cherish the gift of friendship we possess...
Above all the for mentioned things, Bec, you constantly turn my head to the sky...you remind me of the one that matters most, and the one that loves beyond what we know..You remind me of His grace, His mercy, His forgiveness, His sense of humor!!

I am so blessed to have you in my life...

Yuck

2008-08-14T13:54:00.000-07:00
Today is one of those days I wish I could just curl up in a corner & sleep or just let all my tears flow...
Please pray for me today, I want to be able to rely on the Lord and sift through all the feelings inside my head, and discern what is true, right, noble, and of the Lord.

Peace maker vs. Truth teller...

2008-08-13T09:10:00.000-07:00
Does this dress make my butt look big?? Peace Maker "no, you look beautiful in whatever you wear"..VS Truth teller "Actually, I think this other dress would work better for your body type"...
Which one are you??
I find myself falling into catagory number 1: I am 70% Peace maker, 30% truth teller
I have no problem being 100% truth with Travis, but sometimes, I would rather keep the "peace" than just be truthful.....
I've come to realize that this is NOT the way to go...By not speaking the truth I am disobeying God...now don't misunderstand me, if the truth is NOT spoken in love, it can easily become just an opinion.

I have a few "truth tellers" in my life and I thank God for them..They keep me accountable (even when I don't realize I need it) and they encourage me...
My desire is to become a full-time Truth teller!!!

Lord, please give me the wisdom to disern what is true and from you, and help me to be a vessell of your truth.

My Photos

2008-08-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

I love taking photographs!!!! It is one of my secret passions, I'm just learning so I'm not very good, but I don't do it to be the best, I do it to create something beautiful that my eyes may have missed otherwise

Photos capture moments, moments make up our lives..My dream is to capture peoples lives, their struggles, their victories, and the things that cause me to pause and take notice of my surroundings and all the beauty that exists every day around me.

Photographs don't lie, they show you what is...The honesty they portray draws me to continue to pursue life through the pictures I take.
It's amazing how gorgeous a simple flower can be, or the innocent look on my nephews face as he plays in the yard, the hurt, confusion, elated joy, fear...the emotions that a lens can capture are beyond what our eyes can comprehend, that is why I love photography....
The honesty is refreshing

Privacy...

2008-08-11T11:48:00.000-07:00
Its true, right now I am sitting in a coffee shop for the sole purpose of getting some privacy...Does this sound wrong to anyone else??
I am all about neighborly kindness, however is there not a limit to that? We have neighbors that have 2 young kids...a girl that is 9 and a boy that is 6...
Where, at first, we didn't see a problem with chatting with them, letting them help us bring in the groceries...it has gone too far.
We are not able to relax on our couch without them coming over and ringing lthe doorbell, (our dogs hate this) and wanting to just "hang out" with us. Well, we admit we are super cool!!! But we just want to bask in our coolness alone:)
Over the weekend, we counted a total of 6 visits from our neighbor kid friends....3 of which we decided to ignore...This is just too much, the girl has even took to pressing herself against out front window to say "hi", and here is the best part...they get attitudes with us when we tell them they can't come in & we just want to be alone...
Ok, I realize they are kids, and the issue here is probably more with their mom, but how do we turn them away, without making them feel bad..
Deep inside I know the girl needs positive attention (she doesn't get at home) and I can't help but ask myself, "What can I do to help"
Yet the other side of me is well aware that there should be boundaries & those boundaries need to be established soon...

Are we just being selfish & do we have valid points??
There are times we just want to be alone in our home & "let our hair down", Per my last post I'm asking myself "How do I choose to live for God in this situation?"

Choices

2008-08-07T09:53:00.000-07:00
Choices....I've been reminded lately how much choices shape who you are and who you become. Every day we are faced with many choices..But I have learned that it all comes down to one choice really:
Am I gonna live for Carey or am I gonna live for God...

Daily I make the choice whom I will serve...even in the small things, I can choose to live for the Lord.
Last night I went to the library to return some books, and I really didn't feel like going in, so I just dropped off the books..I was also feeling a little anxious and didn't really know what to do with myself.(Wednesday nights are my "girl" time)
So then I got the brilliant idea to go shopping, and the little voice inside me starts to put up a little red flag....BUT I wanted to feel that excitement that I get when I have something new.
I drove to the mall, and sat in my car & called to check on my bank account to see if I could spend a little...My heart was saying NO, but I wanted to so bad....BUT in my heart I knew that I didn't "need" to go shopping, and I needed to go home and spend time with Travis. I can't afford it right now anyway, so instead of making a choice that I wanted, I slowly drove back home and spent time with my husband, and made the choice to live for the Lord, not me.

Small battle, but BIG win in my heart for the Lord, each time I choose to do what He wants me to do I grow a little bit..and I feel the next time I am faced with a similar choice, I can draw from that experience..
Not My will, but HIS will be done.

So again, this morning I am faced with choices: new day, new choices, but its the same question:
Am I gonna live for Carey or am I gonna live for God????

UGH!!!!

2008-08-06T08:44:00.000-07:00
It took me 45 minutes to drive 13 miles on the 5 last night...ugh I was so frustrated that I just shut down, no talking, no laughing, no loud singing..just driving.
When we arrive at our home @ 6:45.(ugh again) I am quite pleased with myself because I have pre-cooked some chicken wrapped in bacon & all we have to do is make the side dishes & we have dinner!!! WoooHOooo. right????...Not so much.... Yet again I forgot to read the ingredients needed for the risotto. We had used the rest of the olive oil on the "pizza bread" and the risotto called for olive oil to brown the rice, Errrggghhhh Why can't I wrap my head around the simple task of dinner this week??

Later on in the evening Trav made a brilliant observation: I shut down & become silent when I am overwhelmed, where he likes to talk it out & share it with me..
Another thing to add to my list of things to work on:
1. Better meal planning
2. Read directions
3. Share with Travis
4. Ask for help
And that is just this week so far....UGH

Follow the directions!

2008-08-05T08:31:00.000-07:00
I had bought all the ingredients for homemade pizza from Fresh & Easy...I was super excited to make it..and of course it was gonna be a garlic,cheese and chicken pizza!
So yesterday I had to leave for work at 12:15..so at 11:30 I realize that I forgot to have lunch, so being as excited about the pizza as I was, I decided to make it.

So, as my husband taught me, I started to read the directions..OH NO!! the first step was to cool at room temp for 20 minutes..I don't have that much time, so I figured I could just skip that step. (thats my twist on reading the directions, just skip the ones you don't like)
So I hurry and throw the pizza in the oven...turns out like cheese bread and it really stuck to the stone I used..

Travis gets home from work, I told him there was left over pizza!! So as we are eating the left overs, I kinda knew something was "different" about it...So Trav asks me "did you put pizza sauce on this?" Oh my gosh!!! I completly forgot to put the sauce on (I'm sure it was NOT in the directions) hahahahaha

Yum Yum, garlic cheese chicken bread!!

Anyone want Chicken..

2008-08-04T16:28:00.000-07:00
Another busy weekend!!! It all started off on Friday with me getting off work at 1 then, not feeling very well, went to the grocery store...I love Fresh & Easy!!!
Its my new favorite grocery store...Well, they had a bunch of chicken that they needed to sell so it was marked down more than 50%..you know me I can't pass up a deal like that!
So now for this week we will be eating shredded chicken, baked chicken, chicken wrapped in bacon, fried chicken, and chicken and rice..I think I went a little crazy!
So, after my chicken extravaganza, Travis came home & we just watched movies, he had another tough day at work and had to work overtime...so we just ate chicken, and relaxed!!
Saturday, I had commited to going to a surprise party for one of my friends, but we slept in until 10!!Can you beleive it??? We couldn't, we were supposed to be at the car place for an oil change at 8...oops, so we were running a little late.
Then off to the coffee house for some joe with my man, then the mall, home depot and finially home to shower & get ready for the party at 1:30..

As I getting ready we hear loud yelps coming from a dog across the street..you know how much of a softy I am for dogs...so of course, I tell Travis to run over & help..
The neighbor had run over their dog...So we run over & do what we can, which was nothing because Travis didn't want to get bit...they load the poor dog in the car and off they go..

I finish getting ready and its off to the surprise!!! Travis stayed home & had some much needed "man time" watching baseball...5 hours later I come home to my husband sitting in the exact spot I left him..wearing the exact same clothes. I guess thats what "man time" is for, right???
We had chicken for dinner, and then watched a movie, then off to Dennys for a late night snack...worst service EVER!!

Sunday, we wake up and Travis's softball team had 2 games back to back...so we eat chicken for breakfast, go to 3 hours of softball..they did win both!!! then off to the team BBQ!!
Note to self: whenever I am hosting a BBQ, do NOT sit on the couch & watch tv and say only 3 words.. enough said about that
We ended our busy weekend, by me watering our dead lawn & Trav taking down the 2 wasps nest in the back yard...
Ahhhh, another weekend gone by...

I've come to realize...

2008-07-31T09:15:00.000-07:00
1. I've come to realize that my legs...Are my favorite part of my body!!

2. I've come to realize that my job...Is getting better since Sandra is here!!

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I sing at the top of my lungs!!

4. I've come to realize that I need...To make time to be a better friend

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...My carefree attitude

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...People gossip

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...someone has drugged me cuz I don't drink to get drunk..

8. I've come to realize that money...Is finally started to make sense to me

9. I've come to realize that certain people...just never change

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be...a little bit weird & crazy!!!

11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on...babies...

12. I've come to realize that my mom...Is one of my closest friends

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is...Never NOT on vibrate and I rarely answer it

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I was hoping it was Friday

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...I was reading about how to be a better wife to Travis

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...My sister

17. I've come to realize that my dad...Loves to be around people!

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Myspace...I get right back off

19. I've come to realize that today...I forgot to take anything out for dinner

20. I've come to realize that tonight...I hope to go out to dinner!!

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...is Friday!!! WooooHOOO

22. I've come to realize that I really want to.... Live with Purpose for God

Alicia...

2008-07-29T11:05:00.000-07:00
One of the things I got to do on vacation was paint my bedroom!!!!! Its been wayyyy over due for some TLC.. So I called my niece, Alicia, and she helped me!
So thank you so much Alicia for the company and the help, its always a blessing having you over & talking with you...

Alicia is an amazing young woman, at 16 she is in love with the Lord, knows how to cook, pays for her own gas, and actually wants to work at her job...
Alicia I am so proud of you, your heart is so beautiful!

It so true that the "young" can teach the "old"..I learn so much by watching and listening to her..She has been through so much in her 16 years, yet her heart is still focused on the Lord and she keeps going...many in her shoes would have given up a long time ago....but her passion and her conviction keep her going..she is such an example to me!!!

So thank you Alicia, not only for painting my room, but being an example to me and all those around you!
I love you