Kyle David

When I was 20 years old I was pregnant with my first child...
My son, Kyle David!
The pregnancy came as a shock to those around me, I was 20 years old and not married.
However I felt from the very beginning that God had a special purpose for Kyle.

This Holiday season I am taken back to that time in my life...It was Christmas time and I was pregnant. Overwhelmed with emotion and excitement for the new life growing inside of me, yet apprehensive of the responsibility to come. I knew the road I had chosen would be hard,
It was a very lonely time for me. My boyfriend and I had broken up and I was dealing with the guilt/condemnation of my mistakes. I felt like no one understood me or what I was going through.
Alone...
I had very little, if any, understanding of what Gods grace was.
I still knew that this baby, my son, would change my life forever...

Right after Christmas, I had a severe asthma attack. I was hospitalized with pneumonia and severe asthma all while 3 months pregnant.
One of my most tender memories from my 2 weeks in the hospital was that of my mom and I. She combed my hair and shaved my legs and arm pits.

You see, I felt like I had disappointed my mom, that she was ashamed of me and my growing belly, that I was un-lovable. So her tender act of love meant so much more to me than a nice shave, to me it was an tender expression of her heart for her daughter. That, no matter what, I was still her little girl that needed her mommy. No matter what, I was loved!!
My mom came to the hospital every day. Every day I accepted her love more and more and began to slowly feel less unworthy of her love and able to embrace her heart for me. Each day closer to understanding the love of a mother.

After coming home from the hospital my life took on a bit of a routine...the days were long and the nights were met with a song for my baby boy growing in my belly.
Each night before bed I would sing to him "Jesus Loves you". I wanted my son to understand the unconditional love of Jesus, unlike his mother..who at 20 was still trying to comprehend it.

Months later, I woke up in the middle of the night with extreme pain in my stomach.
Off to the emergency room we went. All I remember of that night was the pain was too much to bear...no songs of love, no tender memories, just pain.
I was experiencing "placenta abrubtion"...where the placenta separates from the uterus before the baby is born. My son, Kyle was still-born (born dead) at 25 weeks.

The days that followed were a mixture of peace and sorrow. As my head took in the loss, my heart felt a peace beyond understanding. The comfort I experienced at that time was unlike any I have felt before, I took comfort in the fact that my son was with the Lord, that my son never took a breath of the sinful air of the world, my son was at peace, my son had a very special purpose.

In the midst of trials we rarely see the "why"..it is after the fact that we can see the Lords hand at work in the very midst of each trial. How He held me when I grieved, how He showed me love through my parents, how He taught me about His grace and forgiveness, How He loves me unconditionally...
Once again, I always knew Kyle David had a special purpose.

I love you son! My sweet angel, Kyle David